It’s a Terrible Life

 I’m extremely uncomfortable with ABA therapy. It has not even been two weeks, and my life has turned into 40 hours of awkward. I can’t even pinpoint what it is, exactly. No one in society treats children this way, even profoundly autistic children. I’m not saying it’s abusive, but it is alien. I watch the kids go through the therapy, and it doesn’t even seem like they’re learning anything.  I read the reviews online and they’re like, “My child has made such progress in the year/two years/etc that he’s been here” but all kids make progress in that amount of time. 

I am in a situation where my husband is/was extremely proud of me for doing this, but I am totally miserable. He’s out of town for work right now and I honestly wish I was there with him, still working that job. 

When I was very young, I said my career goal was to help children. I have mostly done great with that. But every other scenario in which I have worked with children (and also elderly and disabled adults) has been a completely different world than this. If I try to give examples, it won’t be “enough” of an example. 

I don’t know if it’s that I’m too old to try new things or that this truly weird. Maybe it’s a combination of both. I did get to talk to the new therapist again about how I may be interpreting people wrong. I told her about my inventory coworker, about some of my impressions of ABA therapy, and she said, “Actually it sounds like you interpret things quite well.”  

That’s also weird because I feel like I am “supposed” to see myself as the one in the wrong and that I’m supposed to go to therapy to fix that. So that’s also weird that she thinks my interpretation abilities are ok. 

It feels like the calling on my life has been lifted.