I am so relieved to have written that post about therapy. I plan to either link it or copy paste it whenever someone insists that therapy is essential for recovery from complex trauma.
Starting today, through Thursday the 21st, I’m working split shifts with the couple I took care of a while back. They both have emphysema, and their son lives with them and takes care of them full time while working remotely. He does have to travel for his main job occasionally, and that’s where he is this week. We only go there when he’s away. They are very easy to care for and very cool. This morning, I met their hospice nurse, and she gave me her personal cell number in case anything happens. Sometimes, when I have clients on hospice, I am afraid of walking in on them dead. This is actually nothing to be afraid of. I think I am just afraid of reactions. My extended family and especially my mother are very picky and judgmental about people’s reactions to deaths of loved ones. They all feel if you don’t react a certain way, you “didn’t love them” or “you’re glad they’re dead”. Way to fuck with someone while grieving. Because of this I just dread seeing people’s reactions to deaths, even though I would never be judgmental.
With a couple, there’s less of this fear, because chances are they won’t die at the same time. One will call hospice when the other goes. They won’t wait until I show up.
I have a seven hour break daily with these people, and I do not mind because I am getting a $5 shift differential and a $75 gift card when I complete all 7 days. I can also do side jobs during the 7 hours
I took the last four days off (M-Thursday). I was very very shaken up from seeking therapy again. The whole experience really brought me down. I asked gift card boss to please leave me off the schedule until I started with this couple today. I really insisted that I needed it. She could tell something was wrong. She said ok she would, and then surprise!!! She did NOT text or call at ALL those four days! I thought to myself wow. I really must have come across like I was miserable. And I was.
She called this evening on my drive home from their evening shift and asked if I could work with a new client M, W, and F from 6-10 pm. I said ok, but reminded her about the couple. She forgot lol. So she put me on Friday and said the lady may not even live to next Friday.
She kept me on with the couple, and I really hope that whomever she sends M and W isn’t a total shit head. I am 100% over going to someone’s house and listening to them complain about previous caregivers, especially when they’re complaining about something I’d do myself or that’s standard protocol. The daughter of the lady I went to see Saturday evening did that. I was screaming inside, but smiling and nodding outwardly. She was very judgmental about other caregivers, but her mother was in the bed in the deadass middle of the room with no guardrails. I really wanted to say, put up the damn guardrails and then complain but of course I didn’t.
I’m a lot less anxious now that I started with this emphysema couple. This job is really a crapshoot. If you are a good match for the clients, it’s wonderful. If you aren’t, then it’s awful. GCboss’s whole job is basically to be a matchmaker. My husband knows better now than to say “But I go to different stores and do inventory”. All of those stores sell the same thing, and you’re scanning them all the exact same way. And stores are public places. Going into people’s homes and caring for someone who’s been on earth twice as long as you and set in their ways is a whole new ballgame. Kevin told me, “I could never.”
I’m glad my father told me to have three careers.
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