Honor Flight vs Honor Walk

 I was scrolling TikTok the other day and came across this lovely video of a person who just happened to be at Austin Bergstrom Airport when they saw an honor flight. I didn’t know what that was at first- it’s to fly veterans back and forth to DC to visit things that honor them. 

I got it confused with an honor walk and thought they were going to walk by with a casket. However, an honor walk is a bit different. This is when someone is either in their very final moments or has just passed away, and they are an organ donor. The hospital staff lines the halls to honor the person donating and show support for the family. The family walks behind. If the person is still alive during the honor walk, they are extubated when they reach the operating room and allowed to pass naturally. I think most of the time though, they are already gone. I’m not sure. 

If the thing in the airport was for a deceased person, the bagpipes would have been playing amazing grace and not that cute upbeat song they were playing. That’s why I got confused and did some googling. 

I do have one gripe, though- the three people holding the flags in the front were not stepping in time with the guards and the bagpipers. I did color guard very briefly in high school, as well as a couple other flag holding things, and if it’s a military thing, you should coordinate your steps. Oh well it was very nice and would have been nice to see in person!!

No Classes Were Wasted in the Changing of this Major!

My daughter Anna texted me last night to announce that she’s changing my her major. It’s only her second year of university, and she hasn’t taken any upper level classes yet.  So everything she took last year and is taking this semester still “counts”. 

 

Anna on her first day of university sophomore year ⬆️ 

When I went to parent orientation over a year ago now, they told us how normal and expected it was for young people to change majors. It wasn’t considered normal when I was Anna’s age!  I remember older people shaming the hell out of us for changing!  We were expected to pick one thing at age 18 and stick with it until about age 65!  

I’m glad things are different for Gen Z. 

Anna went through a phase a few years ago where she wanted to be a genetic counselor. At the time, I was following a lady on social media who had three children- one older daughter who was healthy, who was from her first marriage. Then two little ones who had a severe genetic disease. They both passed away, and her older daughter went away to college. She ended up becoming very depressed. Anna was inspired by her family, but also had a high interest in genetics. I remember when she was about 12-13, she made her own comics about fantasy cats. She made entire family for the characters she made up. Each one had a slightly different characteristic. If I can find these drawings, I’ll post them. 

Here’s Anna this past summer in Alaska when she went with her step grandmother and dad’s side of the family-

Denim Chenille Apliquè

 This was my first attempt at denim chenille appliqué. I’m not sure about this. I think in a whole quilt, instead of these prototypes, it would look nicer. 

I realize I didn’t clip the middle seams before washing. The purple is a circle- you can’t even tell 😕

And yes I know it would look better if the thread matched, but these are prototypes and I was just experimenting. At least I fixed my tension!

Bracelet + Friday Tidbits

 One of the ladies that lives in the group home I work at made me this bracelet. 

Kevin texted me this morning saying that both the Houston and Austin crews are going to Corpus Christi next week. He was lamenting about how he shouldn’t have to go on the corpus trip because he moved to Austin, only to find out Austin is going too. Then he texted the owner of the company and asked if he could move here permanently after corpus. She responded yes and that she was “looking forward to having him in central Texas”.  See, I knew it.

Today I stayed late at work until about 10:00 am. Then i came home and crashed for a few hours. I washed all of my bedding when I woke up and flipped the mattress. I swept and mopped the bedroom and went out for new cat litter. I had scooped the litter boxes and added the rest of all the litter I had. New homes are always easier to clean!

So I had a consultation with a therapist who is willing to see me, the problem is that I don’t trust her at all. I realize that I do not know her that well and that I’m basing my opinion of what will happen on past experiences. But therapy itself just seems so flawed to me all of a sudden. I really just don’t want to go at all, the problem is that in our society you aren’t really “allowed” to not want therapy. If you had several bad experiences, then too bad. There is insane pressure to go to therapy in this society, and if you don’t go you’re a pariah. Therefore I literally do not have a choice. 

I explained to her that one therapist diagnosed me with PTSD based on symptoms and the next one took the diagnosis away based on my childhood being too privileged (married parents with enough money etc). Then there was the other one who didn’t believe my story and kept condescendingly if I was sure X happened and not YZ.  This therapist validated me that I “should be believed”, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to retract that validation down the line in three or four or ten sessions. These consultations are so problematic, because even if the therapist does agree to take you on, she might just need money really badly and is telling you what you want to hear to get you in and then will change her tone later. The therapist that took away my cptsd diagnosis completely switched personalities in the middle of the third session. She went from very understanding and great to basically telling me to get over it- something other women wouldn’t be able to handle. 

I’m just extremely, extremely uncomfortable about opening up to anyone at all. I really don’t even want to tell this lady my symptoms. What would be the point? There is still the possibility that she won’t believe me about anything. I really don’t know what to do anymore except tell these people “I don’t know.”  Because I can think up something to tell them, and then that might be the thing that turns them toxic. The fact that so many had a problem with me meeting my husband on the job when he was my supervisor makes me scared to death that they’ll make me leave him without even knowing him. It’s all just very scary and pointless. 

Another thing that doesn’t sit right with me is when people say, “Find a therapist who will believe you!” And suggest or outright say that I should interview them about this beforehand. That just sounds so not normal. Am I interviewing people to pay them to believe me?  Why should anyone have to do that?  People either believe people or they don’t. It shouldn’t be anyone’s “job” but yet, it is. And no one else sees how wrong that seems?  I can also fake believing someone’s story if you were paying me $100-$200 per hour. I’ll validate your ass all day. But would that be real validation, and why do I need their validation anyway?  

All of the pressure to see a therapist really comes from online spaces such as facebook groups for anxiety, depression and cptsd. Also TikTok. Because for some reason my damn algorithm has therapists and “mental health advocates” which is making me honestly not even want to go on. I can log back into Facebook and  block all the mental health groups or I can just suspend my account again. Then I noticed that a lot of the profiles that are diehard mental health advocates seem to be bots. One of them said, “Having a BA in psychology doesn’t make someone a good therapist.”  And- they’re right. Therapists have masters degrees. Right away I started noticing bot characteristics. And that’s definitely possible. People insert bots with an agenda into online spaces all the time. Real people would mostly generally believe that someone shouldn’t do something they really don’t want to do and no longer bet they can benefit from. (Such as me with therapy). 

I texted this therapist that I wasn’t comfortable and she said she would cancel my appointment but also keep it open for me if I still wanted it (which isn’t canceling). It’s on 9/9 at 9 am. That’s my next pay day as well. I want to tell her again no PLEASE cancel it but if I also don’t want to dip into territory where she’s “setting boundaries with me because I texted her” because that is so obnoxious. I’m thinking I will just leave it alone until 9/8, maybe by then I’ll change my mind, but if not, then I still won’t text her and if she complains that I didn’t show up, I’ll just show the text where I said to cancel. Of course that opens up the possibility that she’ll still charge me and it will take a million years to get my $125 back. See how I can’t open up to these ppl?  They honestly just cause more anxiety. 

The Best PB&J in the World

About 15 years ago, when Anna was little and it was just me and her in my own apartment, one time I made some homemade bread. While it was still warm, I got out one of those jars of peanut butter and jelly stripes and spread a bunch on a slice for her. When she ate it, she told me, “Mommy, this is the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the whole world.” 

Well, today I recreated it. I couldn’t find PB&J stripe jars, so I just got regular peanut butter and “four berry jam”.  

I know the bread wasn’t baked all the way through, but it was still good!  I put it back in for ten minutes after eating this slice. 

I made this loaf for myself, Kevin, my coworker, and the five ladies in the group home I work at. They all liked it, but my coworker said it was a little heavy. She said it would make good dumplings. I said, what would?  She said “That recipe, but make dumplings instead of bread.” 

Oh, ok?  I never have made dumplings. Maybe I’ll even add chicken. 

 

Capital of Texas Updates

Almost 8 weeks in, and I am loving Austin. Just as it has been, the only problem is that my husband still can’t move here permanently. He did get a transfer to the Austin crew of his job, but said he would stay until they were staffed. Then the manager wouldn’t call back anyone that the Austin manager hired for Houston. Then one or two stuck, but are problematic. There are officially three solid seeming new people, and it seems like Kevin can finally join me here permanently and start working on the Austin crew. I mean you would think that three people would be adequate to replace one. It was even to a point where they didn’t have enough scanners for people. So one of the new guys was doing “pre counts” with stickies on high quantity items. What a waste of time. The new people have to learn the scanners, my husband doesn’t. Have my husband do the stickies or just let him move here. I can tell they are fucking with us because they’re mad about our move. 

My mom’s narrative is that Kevin won’t join me here permanently, because “he secretly just doesn’t want to be with me.”  Because of course that is what my mother thinks. Why would my husband be paying for this whole ass apartment that he only gets to crash at on the weekends?  His parents’ guest house has crappy AC and ants. The only financial contribution I made to this apartment was $150 towards the move in costs/deposit and then yesterday I paid $400 towards September rent. My husband only said “I’ll get us an apartment there if you get any job” just to get me into a better situation. The place in Hempstead is falling apart, and I didn’t like the job I was working at, and we knew we wanted to end up here anyway. Kevin had kind of an emotional crash out when he found out that the Houston crew has jobs scheduled this Saturday and Sunday- so he wouldn’t be able to come to Austin for the weekend. My mother’s interpretation was “Maybe he actually crashed out because he’s tired of you.”  

This caused me to blow up at my mother, which caused her to act oblivious. She didn’t do anything wrong and just has no idea what she said wrong!  

She has always, always created this narrative that stars me as the root of all the problems of everyone else around me. I sometimes explain it as having been born already canceled. It’s funny, because it’s her generation that hates “cancel culture.”  

The day after my blow up at my mom, Dolly Parton died. Damnit. Now I have to call her and be like “Dolly Parton died.” Aretha Franklin died the last time we had a major fight. I refused to call her about it at that time, and then she was like “You didn’t call me when Aretha Franklin died!” As if she was her relative and I owed her condolences. So about 12-14 hours after the news broke, I simply sent a text saying “Dolly Parton died.”  I knew she must have been watching it on tv all day, so it was a little funny that I sent that text as if I was announcing it. In fact, she was probably channel surfing whenever one network stopped talking about it, in order To see if another network was talking about it. She does that when there’s major news, and then she complains that there’s too much news coverage. 

She responded as if the fight never happened, so I guess we are cool but I’m being distant. 

It’s now looking like Kevin can head to Austin this weekend after all. I agree, because three new people can make up for it!  Especially with not enough scanners because what the hell!  I’m glad because Kevin was kind of depressed that he couldn’t come this weekend. 

The only other new city woe is my $186 toll road bill. I paid that yesterday. 😓. Austin freeways have a habit of not being a toll for several miles, and then all of a sudden they are. So as soon as I paid that yesterday, I decided to drive around the city all day (doing side jobs of course) and really really paying attention to what’s a toll and where- that way, if my navigation tells me to go one way, I know not to. I do not even think Siri knows which Austin highways are tolls, because I select avoid tolls, and it still sends me on them. I had lived in Houston 24 years, so I had it memorized what was a toll and what wasn’t. The one that does this the most is highway 183. It’s a toll, then it’s not, then it is, then it’s not. RM620 is free for like 20 miles all around the perimeter of the city and then once it gets to the area where I live, bam it’s a toll. I really have spent the last couple days making note of these things so I don’t have to pay $186 again. 

Other than that things are great. I love having an easy night job and lots of side jobs to do locally during the day. I’m going in tonight at midnight and would be getting off at 8 am but agreed to take one of the ladies on a doctor appointment at 8:20 am. This way, the day staff doesn’t have to take everyone to one person’s appointment. I wouldn’t want to have to go to a housemate’s appointments either. After that hopefully I’ll see Kevin!!

Organizing Quilting Squares 🟥🔷🟦🔹🟧

 This shelving unit in my enormous closet has been designated for 6 inch quilting squares and isn’t finished yet. My cat Mitchell has decided it’s a good spot. 

I’ve decided that I’m going to have the lint roller out when I start doing patchwork. 

Also a disclaimer- denim chenille quilts are washed 2-3 times to get the chenille effect, so cat hair won’t be an issue !!!