Down the Rabbit Hole

Because of my experience hating the training to become an RBT, I ended up on an anti-ABA rabbit hole. Young adults who had bad experiences as children are often explained away by “That was the old ABA, there’s a new approach now.”  However, I also learned that speech language pathologists and occupational therapists also have major beef with ABA. So, I went down that rabbit hole, because while I’m not one of these job titles myself, I could definitely relate to all of what they’re saying. I do not have the life experience to relate to young adults with bad childhood experiences, I can relate to the SLP’s and OT’s because their beefs come from a more professional/ working pov. I don’t care to link all of the discussions, but if you go to Reddit, search “SLP ABA” and all of these discussions come up. 

One thing that I cannot find now in order to screenshot is that one person had issue with the fact that they use tickling as a reinforcement. This person said, “None of them should be tickling a child, ever.”  

I was extremely uncomfortable with that, too. One of the kids had tickling as their reinforcement, and it gave me so much ick. So often over that week and a half or whatever it was, I would just not try and express my disdain at all.  I have no idea why I was so passive with these people. Now that I look back at two-weeks-ago-me, I want to scream at her. Why didn’t you at least “ask” to clarify why they use that as a reinforcement???  I didn’t though, and I’m ashamed that I didn’t. I definitely could have asked in a respectful manner. I guess I just assumed this place was highly regulated and it was ok. 

This person is talking about how only one OT coworker knows, and she thinks her SLP supervisor suspects that she’s against ABA.  She also talks all throughout the thread about being a very passive person and not wanting to say ONE thing negative, because the minute she does, the floodgates will open up and she’ll rant. I totally get that. 

It was extremely rigid, she’s right. I couldn’t put it into words at the time. The number of hours was wild to me. Think about the different types of therapy you’ve been through in your life- can you imagine being at it 40 hours a week?  Even intensive programs are no more than 20. “Withholding” is a natural consequence of a lot of actions that most of us do when we parent or care for other kids, but the way it was done here was just off. It didn’t make sense. 

These two comments bring up what was the majority of what threw me off. ABA uses terms like “tact”, “mand” and “echoic” and a whole slew of others which I’m not going to type out, because apparently they are in fact such fake words that not even my autocorrect knows them. The fact that I had to memorize these terms that meant super basic things at my old age made me think- am I somehow uneducated on very basic things?  It felt like I had somehow traveled to a different time and space because they were constantly using their own terminology that no one ever uses anywhere else. I often wanted to ask “Que?” Because it felt like I was listening to someone speaking a foreign language and I didn’t know what certain words meant. And if that was the case, then what have I been doing for 30 years?  I have a lot of experience, but all of a sudden I had none. 

This. It was pretty obvious that they weren’t comprehending the information. They just knew the rote answer to the rote question. The fact that it’s not real learning can slide somewhat, but this lady says, “That’s not communication.”  

I wouldn’t have compared it to expecting a deaf person to respond to a sound, but in a way it was. I don’t feel guilty making that comparison, because the women who trained me compared the kids twice to feral cats. My comparison is more humane, because it comes from an understanding that some of the demands (mands 🙄) placed on the kids were things they weren’t capable of. Another comment I found that I can’t find now to screenshot was, “If our kiddos could, then they would.”  

This. Also this. They were very cold towards the kids. Very monotonous and rigid. They even tried to correct me and make me interact more like them and I couldn’t do it. 

This is more of a testament to the whole “feeling like you’re in a different time and place, speaking another language and wanting to ask que”. I don’t feel as alone now that I read this from this other person. 

I found it too difficult to talk about this experience with my therapist. I already knew that she was just going to say “It’s not a good fit for you, and that’s ok!” My husband also thinks “It just wasn’t a good fit, and that’s ok.”  To me, it goes deeper than that. I personally have never been able to get away with just saying something wasn’t a good fit. I’m obligated to think that my whole entire existence is a failure if one thing doesn’t work out. I also already know that my therapist is going to view that as “black and white thinking” and just reiterate this whole positive mindset.  But honestly, I have no way know truly knowing if she’s only telling me what I want to hear because I’m paying. If any of the people who raised me to believe I am obligated to see myself as a failure were somehow in charge of and paying for my therapist, then she’d be obligated to see things from the pov of those haters. (For instance, if I was a minor, under conservatorship like Britney was, or otherwise unable to support myself).  

Someone suggested a book called “The Autism Industrial Complex.” And I just might give it a read. Unfortunately, it’s not on audible. 

One more thing I gathered from the SLP’s was that it seems like ABA simply copies their goals for the kids and calls it “New ABA” in order to say it’s not “the old ABA” that young adults are speaking out against now.  That would infuriate me too.  

 

Bedbound Sunday

This was the first thing ChatGPT came up with when I asked it to make a caricature of me. The main problem with it is that I’m wearing the inventory calculator around my waist, and I do not work at the inventory service anymore. Also, my hair is growing rapidly, and it’s longer than that now. So I told ChatGPT that I no longer work at the inventory company and that I’m working with children with autism. My hair is longer, and don’t forget my sewing and my cats. 

Speaking of inventory, Kevin went Corpus Christi this morning for work and will be there until Friday. They hired a young man to replace me who worked most of last week, but this young man didn’t show up to go to Corpus. 

I stayed in bed most of the day. I had my first appointment with the new therapist, and it went ok. I just gave her a brief rundown of my past. 

I did one errand, for toilet paper and a prescription. It was a lazy day. I watched a couple of shows. I’m watching Versailles, which is a drama about King Louis XIV. There’s not much to report here. New job is going well. I just have to get out of the headspace of working in a daycare, because it’s not daycare. 
 

Caricature Trend

“Ask ChatGPT to make a caricature of you with everything it knows about you.”

 

Driver’s License Drama

 Kevin’s license is expiring, so he went to the DMV. I know that Texas recently started requiring birth certificates for license renewals, but Kevin didn’t believe me. It’s new, I explained. Still, he didn’t believe it until he actually went. He doesn’t know where his is, and has to order it from the state of Massachusetts where he was born. But, he doesn’t know the name of his biological father, nor does he know what his last name was at birth. His mother married his first stepfather when he was about two, and that’s who’s last name he and I have. His current stepfather is his mother’s third husband. I actually wasn’t even sure if his mother and biological father were married, so I asked what the name was on his birth certificate. Was it his mom’s maiden name?  The only thing he told me he ever knew about his biological father was that he was Italian. 

With needing to order his birth certificate, he had to ask his mom. He just never cared before, even though she’s always offered the information to him. She told him the first, middle, and last name of his biological father and asked if he wanted to know why they got divorced. He didn’t, but he told me the name and I burst out laughing, because it’s the most ridiculously Italian name you’ve ever heard. Then I googled him, only to find an obituary from 2003. I clicked on it, and him and Kevin were frickin twins!  It was kind of hilarious how much they looked alike, actually. I showed Kevin, and Kevin laughed at the resemblance. Kevin then started sharing a lot of memories of his first stepfather, whose last name he ended up with. It’s clear that that’s the one who earned the title of dad. 

Then he told me, thank goodness his mom is still alive because he would have needed to know this information in order to renew his driver’s license. 

Frozen Saturday Tidbits 🧊 🥶

 

These are the four yards of fabric I got from the sewing vac city store in Cypress. I do have a lot of pink denim, white denim, brown denim and black denim. I also have solids in these colors, so I got one yard of something that will alternate well in each color scheme. 

This was a 25 cent day find. I’d never be caught dead in it, but I thought the fabric was way nicer than it is. It’s not satin or silk, it’s all some nasty thin polyester lining type fabric. Not even good for lining, not even good for scrunchies. I did cut the dress apart to see how it was made. It’s basically just made with a ton of gathering stitches. I can see how this ended up in the pile. 

Speaking of gathering stitches, I did this prototype skirt with the waist of some jeans I cut up for denim quilt squares and a skirt I got from 25 cent day. I used this Tutorial first, then graduated to This one because I don’t have a gathering foot. Be forewarned, though, most of the comments in that second video were very triggered that she cut the pockets. I don’t cut the pockets, but to each their own. There’s a whole big thing nowadays about little girl’s clothing “not having pockets”, but it must be a Mandela effect. I always had pockets growing up. 

I was not super picky about how even my gathering was, I just wanted to get the hang of how to do this. It was easier than I thought. My cousin said it needed darts, but, it’s a gathered skirt. When I made a second prototype of maroon denim with lavender satin, I could see where maybe there could have been one dart?  But it was probably just an issue of uneven gathering. That went in the trash. 

Last but not least, here’s the button stash I have amassed from 25 cent day finds. 

 

Hot Flashes in an Arctic Blast

 It’s about to dip into the 20’s here in Texas, and everyone is freaking out. I don’t understand the hype, but I’m from Chicago. 

Here are some things going on around here:  I’m listening to a new podcast I recently discovered called Stolen Lives. It’s a true crime channel dedicated to children. Normally, true crime channels dedicated to children like STLC will get into a lot of very gory details and be quite triggering. Stolen Lives cuts to the chase in order to avoid triggering people while still giving facts, but still issues a content warning. Stolen Lives is still upsetting, don’t get me wrong!  STLC is just way more upsetting! 

I have two space heaters to prepare for the upcoming freeze, but the moment I turn them on, I get hot flashes from hell within 30 minutes and need to turn them off. At night, my comforter alone keeps me warm. The heaters make it too hot, even if I set them to 76. Any lower than that, it’s not worth turning them on. 

I want yall to know that I am reading my little handful of blogs, I just can’t comment or reply to comments. Google still shows me a QR code on the screen. Not sure what to do with that. I feel old. I could call my kid to help, but then I’d be just like my mom. 

Today I visited a sewing and quilting mega store in cypress, and was not as impressed as I thought. I did spend $56 on only 4 yards of fabric.  That was hard to do, since I’m used to paying only 25 cents. The prints I got were extremely pretty though, and when I finally bring them in from the car, I’ll post pics. 

Crafts

I attempted to make a couple of scrunchies for the first time in about 25 years. This fabric is from the ties on the yellow formal dress I got on 25 cent day. It needs to be longer for more “scrunch”, but my slip stitch looks pretty good. 

Red wreath for Christmas time. Those flowers are so “pointy” that it’s hard to tell if the wreath is even on both sides. 

And I’m not sending one to my North Carolina friend after all. She sucks for not taking her cat and not understanding my situation with Jordan. Speaking of Jordan, he is just so much fun and all baby energy. We love having him around. But my best friend/cousin the psychiatrist picked this one when I sent her all three pics. She also got my rainbow quilt when I needed practice shipping quilts. Now I need practice shipping wreaths. 

And in a shocking turn of events, I will start Friday, January 30th working full time with children with autism. I interviewed for this last week, and was shocked when they sent me an offer. Kevin is proud of me. It’s nice to have a partner who believes in me. I’m trying to increase my step count daily so I can RUN  after these kids. It’s one on one, though. I’ll explain more later.