Stuff I’m working on

 I’m working on a comprehensive blog post containing links, books recommendations, podcast episodes, studies, and content creator suggestions that I’ve encountered while going down anti ABA rabbit holes. If only I had gone down these rabbit holes before I started working at an ABA facility, only lasting less than two weeks. 

The couple that I’m working with this weekend on Friday, Saturday and Sunday that I haven’t seen in about 12 or 13 days- I showed up yesterday, and it appears that they’ve had several different caregivers, including some pretty crappy ones. I broke my wire rimmed glasses and had to go to work yesterday wearing my back up pair which has thick black frames. Because of this, and because of it being nearly two weeks since they’ve seen me, they didn’t recognize me. They thought I was another new person and started being very mean and defensive right away. Then an occupational therapist showed up to work with the wife. The OT asked me if it was my first time with them. I said no, I was here a couple weeks ago. The wife then said, “So are you Danielle?”  I said “Yes.”  She said, “I thought you talked a lot like her, but I thought you were someone else.”  I chuckled and explained my glasses situation. She said I look like I lost weight too. I’m not sure if I have, but I’m on another no sugar kick. I was also wearing dark solid scrubs whereas two weeks ago I wore scrubs with characters all over them. Scrub tops with characters make everyone look fat. 

She told her husband, “Danielle is the one who’s writing a book!”  Oh! I thought, wow she remembered my book! It only came up when she asked my work history. I said I had worked with abused children and was writing a book about it. I also said that a standard novel is 50,000-100,000 words and I’m at about 33,000 words. 

She vented to me some complaints about other caregivers but didn’t know specific names to go with each complaint. I texted my boss immediately about it, because if she calls the office and doesn’t know anyone’s name, gift card boss might be suspicious of me. I thought that they had one person Monday through Friday, but they said there have been so many different people. That’s a little annoying, and even though gift card boss is great, she does play musical schedules a lot. 

Musical schedules have gotten the best of my anxiety this past week. Because of my anxiety levels with constantly changing schedules, I made the decision to ask gift card boss what she thought of me switching to only Friday, Saturday and Sunday availability. This is because I’ve been accepting more higher paying merchandising and audit jobs on the apps and really would be a lot happier doing that. But I need to pursue it. I don’t have “that much” experience at the aspects of that job that matter. In online spaces for people that do merchandising jobs, they seem to make really good money after a little while. (Working for actual companies instead of just on the 1099 app). Anything having to do with caregiving and helping people will never pay well. 

Pursuing merchandising jobs Monday through Thursday is a personal choice I’m making, because I was happier and paid better whenever I did things that sent me to stores as opposed to caring for children or the elderly. Some may not agree with it, but if for whatever reason this “doesn’t work” then all I have to do is tell gift card boss I’m available more. Or always. Who knows. She’s still a pretty new start up. She enthusiastically said absolutely to my availability request. 

I also want to pursue writing more. If I could just take a class to refresh, I would, but I can’t find the right one. We’ll see. 2026 has not been NEARLY as smooth sailing as 2025 was. But we aren’t even 25% through it yet, maybe my year will get better! 

Offers

 Today I worked in a town in Porter, TX. It’s an hour and a half away from me, so I did some side jobs on the way back. I then got another nice offer with bonuses from the merchandiser app and said that I can’t do it until Tuesday. They still assigned it to me with a deadline of Wednesday at 11:45 pm. One of the things on there involves a planogram, which is what I want more practice with. 

Tomorrow and all weekend, I’m working with the couple with the $4.50 shift differential. I haven’t seen them in about 12 or 13 days, and honestly I am looking forward to seeing how much improvement the wife has. She had a pretty severe injury and had just gotten home from rehab when I first met them. She’s had a lot of home physical therapy, and I know after 12 days she’s probably improved a lot. Two weeks ago, she could maybe do 3-5 steps with me holding the gait belt during transfers. We’ll see!!  

Five Costcos

I did side jobs today at five Costco locations. On the Merchandiser app, I did one job that paid $15 each with a $15 bonus for completing all 5. Then I opened the field agent app and did a handful more at a couple of them and made another $27. I also bought a few things I needed at each one.  So I earned $117 and spent $276. I ate a $1.99 slice of pizza for lunch. It was a good day! Lots of walking. I need to be physically active. 

 

Apologies and Depression

 Just a random funny I found on social media ⬆️. 

Gift card boss told me that the client from yesterday apologized and said she figured out that her credit card was maxed out and that was why it was declined.  She also thanked me for helping her set up DoorDash because she doesn’t like to leave the house. 🙄 

I was like “that’s fine”. But I’m not scheduled to go back with her. Today was kind of a mental break down day because of the false accusation yesterday, the triggering events regarding my aunt, and that the fact that gift card boss changes schedules constantly. I think a lot of clients are complaining about other caregivers, caregivers are also complaining about certain clients, and she’s trying to make everyone happy. I pulled over today into a Kroger parking lot and had a good cry. I took out a piece of paper and wrote down my last two employers’ names, full addresses and phone numbers so that I can eventually apply at all of these merchandiser companies, if in fact I’m “allowed” to. (Yes I know technically I’m “allowed” but it goes deeper than that.). 

I also accepted an offer on the merchandiser app that will require me to go to five Costco’s tomorrow. They are all relatively nearby. I’m also going to shop a little at each one and keep tract of how much I’m making and how much I’m spending on the deals. It will definitely be worth it. It’s mostly a mystery shop, but if a certain problem arises, I have to alert management and tell them I’m there on “behalf” of so and so and whatever is wrong, etc. But I’ve done these before and it mostly never happens. I have to dress decently just in case I do have to talk to a manager. Black jeans and plain polo. 

After that, gift card boss has me working approximately 40 hours from Thursday through Sunday. Well, 34 hours to be precise. That is, unless something changes again. Last weekend, I gave up two shifts with the couple because “another caregiver wanted more hours”. I plan to say no to that if she asks again if I want to give it up for this caregiver, but who knows, I might be fundamentally exhausted on Friday again and be like “Sure”.  

Writing Prompts and Drama

I was cleaning out my photos and found these writing prompts. I want to do these eventually, but today isn’t the day. 

I’m having an even harder time in life today than yesterday. My 93 year old aunt was kicked out of an assisted living facility for assaulting another resident. My aunt is my mom’s sister, and they are 13 years apart. My aunt is extremely abusive and has always gotten away with it. I have a very large family on my mom’s side, and most of them all have stories of abuse from this aunt. I’m not sure exactly what happened with the other resident of the assisted living, but it sounds like she tried to hold her head under water. I think the other lady is ok, but even my own mom is now saying that my aunt held her head under water when she was 10. So my aunt would have been 23 at the time. Old age and dementia isn’t an excuse if you’ve been doing it for 70 years. She never did this to me, but she did other abusive things to me. She has never ever been held accountable. I was hoping she would go to jail, but instead, she is in a psychiatric ward with a geriatric wing. That’s the next best thing to jail. No one would ever hold her accountable enough to put her in real jail. I honestly hope she gets put into solitary.  And maybe she’ll die there. I’m not sorry for saying that. 

I went yesterday to the four hour shift for the client whose care plan made her look like a difficult person. I basically spent three and a half hours walking her through how to order DoorDash. It was difficult, but I didn’t mind, because that’s what she asked me to do. She had to download the app first, and reset her Apple password. Then set up the DoorDash account. Then finally ordered fajitas. Once the fajitas were ordered, she saw that Kroger was also on DoorDash, so I guided her step by step how to search for all the items she said she needed. Then when she tried to check out, her card was declined. Her card went through for the fajitas though. They arrived. I explained to her that she needed to call the bank and she got very irate. She started accusing me of doing something fraudulent with her card.  I never even touched her credit card, she entered it in herself with a lot of prompting from me. Kevin said “Maybe she entered a number wrong”. I said no, because if she did then the fajitas would have also been declined. I think the fajitas put her card over the limit, but didn’t tell her I suspected that. I had to text gift card boss the entire story, and she reassured me “not to let it bother me” and that she’s having several financial problems right now. 

I thought to myself, well then how is she paying for a home caregiver?  This is only the second week that she’s had care at all, and I was the fourth person to go see her. 

To tell you the truth, this was pretty shitty. It took me a LONG time to show her that, and I had a TON of patience. Then she “thanks” me by the false accusation. 

I hope she actually pays gift card boss. I kind of think that her card is going to be declined there too, especially if it was declined for $100 in groceries. 

 

Choices

 A while back, I posted on here that all of the years I spent working with children and the elderly were essentially the result of a gaggle of people around me when I was younger who were mad that I wanted to be a mom. “Why bring a child into the world?” They all demanded. “Why not do something meaningful for a child who already exists?!?!”  I didn’t realize it at the time, but they essentially didn’t care about people already existing, they just wanted to be mad at me. At the time, I said “ok!” And dove in, didn’t look back, leaned in, got my hands dirty, and developed a ton of vicarious trauma. I am not saying that to complain, though, I think it’s all been mostly good. I feel like I had fun, learned extremely valuable lessons, and made a difference. I do not regret it for the most part. Some, if not most of it, I would do again. 

Vicarious trauma absolutely sucks, though. My last therapist, who dumped me based on “scheduling” diagnosed me with chronic PTSD (complex PTSD isn’t in the DSM-5, so if you see someone saying they were diagnosed with it, it’s not entirely true). In the USA, the diagnoses for insurance companies have to align with the DSM-5. Complex-PTSD is however, in the ICD-11.  When the DSM-6 publishes, and they change their minds about this stuff again, then you will see more people with actual diagnoses of complex-PTSD

More than two decades ago, I worked for about 3 years doing the inventory service that I recently worked at for another three years (which is where I met my husband).  At the time, I liked it a lot, and I thought it was easy money. But as a young person at the time, I was absolutely not allowed to say that I was content doing that. I had older people all the time, literally in my face with their finger, telling me that I BETTER go back to school and do something else. It’s ironic that I went back to that job so many years later in order to clean up the mess that listening to that advice caused, but that’s a post for another day. I also did the side jobs on the apps, which were mostly display compliance and mystery shops. I went all over nine states with that endeavor and made a killing during the pandemic. You can’t make a killing with it anymore (I guess unless another pandemic happens).  That REALLY helped me recover from college. 

One thing the apps introduced me to is merchandising using planograms. Talking about these apps with others online led me to discover that there are several companies who hire people to do this full time. 

About a week ago, I had that epiphany- the one where I realized that all of the helping jobs I’ve ever had didn’t really come from an innate “calling”, and that it was just from people being mad at me for wanting to have kids someday. Even though I do not have a lot of regrets directly, I do kind of feel like all of my trauma symptoms didn’t have to happen. The more I write about working with children and the elderly, the more I realize that I have DEALT WITH A TON. And for extremely low pay. I think it’s fair to ask why me?  

I started to think, what if I just spent the rest of my days doing advocacy through writing and working as a full time merchandiser?  

The merchandiser app has been sending me a lot of route offers lately with good travel bonuses and “just because” bonuses. I always cringe when I hit no thanks. I could really just dive into that and do better not just financially but with my mental health. The thing is, I feel like I do not have a choice. Technically I do. There is a lot of pressure to not want to “do retail the rest of your life”. The people that say that sure do like to shop though. I know “according to the law” it’s my choice. But just because you aren’t trying to make something illegal for someone to choose doesn’t mean that person isn’t phased by pressure and expectations. 

As far as today, I have to work with this lovely woman whose care plan makes her out to be an absolute tool. I’m actually curious what she’s like. Luckily, the shift is only four hours. I’m going to text gift card boss after work to tell her how it went. I can tell gift card boss is uptight about this client. I’m fundamentally exhausted. 

Stuff I’m working on

 I’m currently reading a book called Save the Cat Writes a Young Adult Novel by Jessica Brody. She has a method of writing called the save the cat method, and wow. For every little aspect of the save the cat method that she talks about, I can pinpoint exactly where in my book applies. That’s a good sign for me! 

Tomorrow I’m working for a caregiving client that I think several other people have worked with and refuse to go back to. Gift card boss didn’t say precisely that, but it was implied. Her care plan makes her sound extremely difficult. It’s actually comical, but I didn’t laugh. Well just have to see how it goes. I might be the one person that she likes. That’s happened to me before. 

Also with today being International Women’s Day, I just have one question:

How is it “all about choice” if we always have to explain our choices and are always grilled about “whether we made the choices for patriarchal reasons” or not?  Food for thought, and something I struggle with even though I know better than to talk about it in detail.