End of Year Reflections

 It’s been extremely busy at work. Kevin and I work for an inventory service, and everyone is doing year end inventories. The workload does seem to have lightened up a little- we are still working every single day, but we are getting home earlier than we were before Christmas. My last two checks were really nice!  Yesterday, we did inventories at warehouses that are wholesale companies that supply convenient stores. It was kind of intense. The last warehouse we went to had a manager that says he does sell to the public, but doesn’t “broadcast that.”  He says he sells to the public if it’s someone he knows, and he only charges a 5% markup. I wonder if he considers us “people he knows.”  I’d love to go in there and buy large quantities of stuff I like at wholesale prices. But I don’t want to rock the boat. 

I am setting goals for 2025. I haven’t set New Year goals since before I graduated college and started having panic attacks in 2014. I divided the goals into categories.  I may actually blog each category at the end of each week or month in 2025. Here are the categories:

Health and Fitness: I decided to set a goal of 10,000 steps a day for days that I am not working inventory. This is because a day off gives me time to go to the park and energy to do 10,000 steps. On days that I am working inventory, the step goal is only 7,500. This is because I would likely be too tired or not have time to go to the park. By the time I get home from inventory, my step count will already be between 2,000-5,000 steps depending on what I’m doing that day. I would just walk around the house or outside on the property I live on. 

I should also be more serious about tracking calories. I lost 20 pounds in 2024, and I used a calorie tracking app called “lose it” to do so. I learned that the only thing that “works” for weight loss is a calorie deficit. This can look like a million different things based on the individual, what that person likes and dislikes and does and doesn’t do. If a person says “that didn’t work for me” when it comes to losing weight, it’s because they did something else to make up for the calorie deficit. Tracking my calories on that app was more of a learning experience too- there are a lot of things that give the impression of being healthy that have a lot of calories, and vice versa. 

Financial: I would like to pay off my car in 2025, and this is definitely doable. I don’t know how much I owe on it exactly, but I’ll check my payoff quote in March or April after I make a few more payments. My car is a hybrid, and I am still on the original battery even though I’m 40,000 miles past what Google says the battery will last until. If I have to replace the battery this year, that will damper the plan to pay it off, but I could probably still do it in 2025 even if that’s the case. I have the place picked out that I want to purchase a battery from, even though I’ve never been there. They only let people come by appointment, and they won’t make an appointment unless your battery light is on. The guy I talked to said he drives the same car as me, but with 50,000 more miles on it than I have now- and he’s still on the same battery. Since I almost never drive to work anymore (I just ride with Kevin), I may not even have to replace it until 2030. 

The biggest event of 2025 will be my daughter’s graduation from high school and her 18th birthday on June 11!  I’m really looking forward to her being a legal adult so I can get rid of the custody order I have now with her dad and stepmom. When she’s 18, she can come and go as she pleases. That’s going to be so nice !  

And last but not least, the main goal of 2025 will be to keep unlearning and relearning. I have discovered in many ways lately how so many things I was taught about the world in general were simply wrong. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s a good thing. The education in calories that the lose it app gave me is just one minor example, even though that in and of itself was huge. Maybe later I’ll make a blog post about the unlearning. 

Hot Tamales

 Today I saw Hot Tamale candies on the shelf, and I was reminded of when I was in the first grade. I had to go to the hospital to have my appendix removed. The day after my surgery, the doctor that did the surgery came to see me in my hospital room. He told me that my appendix looked like a Hot Tamale. I didn’t know what he was talking about, as I had never seen those candies. Fast forward a few weeks or months, and another kid at school had them on the playground. At that point it clicked. “Oh!” I thought to myself.  “That must be what my appendix looked like.”  

Inventory Overload+ 1 Day Off

 Yesterday, my daughter told me something I didn’t know that was quite hilarious. She said she remembers when Prince George was born (the oldest son of Prince William). She was 6 years old at the time, and she and I watched media coverage of William and Kate leaving the hospital with him. Yesterday she told me that she was disappointed, because she thought they were going to hold him all the way up like Simba. 

I never knew she thought that was going to happen! 😂 

Yesterday, Sunday, was the only day off for a while and for the foreseeable future (besides Christmas I guess). We’ve been doing this chain of Mexican stores that’s very small and homey. I like those stores. Being in them puts me in the mood to make Mexican food, but doing the inventories makes me too tired to cook. They ended on Saturday, and I had my daughter on Sunday. Today started this chain of very large Mexican stores. The same items but in a big box format. Because they’re so big, the other crews have come to town to help us out. They don’t put me in the same mood as the small stores. It’s just all around exhausting. 

I’m also tired but can’t sleep. Kevin had to go with the boss to Nacogdoches Saturday night- it wasn’t the first time I’ve slept in this house alone, but it was the first time I kind of felt uncomfortable. I’ve had my own place many times. But I feel like now I’ve been with Kevin long enough to know how nice it is to not be alone. 

Something is Wrong with my Cat

 

Maybe my cat Alex is just getting old. He’s 11 and a half years old. But he’s been acting weird lately and yes he has a vet appointment set up this week. 

One early morning last week, he was laying on my hoodie on the dining room table as we were about to leave for work. I tugged at it to let him know to get up because i needed it. He always complies, but this day he hissed his butt off at me. He got off the hoodie and off the dining room table, and just stood there staring into space doing angry meow. Kevin and I scolded him verbally. I offered the hoodie back to him thinking I would just wear another sweater. But Alex looked at me like he was getting his thoughts together and then gave me a sweet little “apology meow.”  

Then a few days later in the evening, we were just sitting around when Alex and Mitchell got into the biggest screaming match ever. They haven’t hissed at each other since they were getting to know each other. This was all out cat screaming. Kevin and I had to shout over him to “break it up.”  Finally it stopped, Alex looked around with the same expression and gave Mitchell the apology meow. 

Neither of these things is even remotely like him. He’s always been the best boy. 

Raised by my Kidnapper Interview

 For several years, I have followed the story of Zephany Nurse, who is a woman who was kidnapped from the hospital in 1997 when she was only two days old. Zephany was kidnapped by a woman posing as a nurse (the fact that her last name was also Nurse was a coincidence) and who had also been faking a pregnancy. 

The truth came to light when Zephany (now called Michè Solomon) entered her “matriculation year” (possibly South African version of a fifth year of high school?) and her biological younger sister entered the same school as a freshman. The two bore a striking resemblance. The younger girl went home and immediately told her parents that there was a girl who looked just like her at school. The parents did some leg work, and found their stolen daughter. 

A 90 minute podcast interview with Zephany can be found here. The interviewer is also South African, and I just love their accents. There are some accents in this world that I like so much that I automatically think everyone who speaks with it is beautiful or cute. This might be one of them. 

Christmas Presents

 

These are two presents I got Kevin for Christmas. He and I have been opening gifts to each other all month long. It’s just my daughter that wants to wait. He and I don’t care. It also helps ease the pain of being so overworked right now with year end inventories. 

These are in the TikTok shop and are food boxes from many different cultures. I got him the Japanese ones, although “Teoki Bokki” is apparently Korean. I can’t wait to try this. It’s apparently rice cakes with cheese sauce. Honestly, whenever I’ve eaten rice cakes, I’ve always thought to myself “This needs cheese sauce.”  

Ever since I ordered these, I’ve gotten ads for food boxes from all kinds of places all over the world. I was at my mother’s house yesterday telling her about them. When I tried to give her examples of the countries I’ve seen food and snack boxes advertised from, I said “Morocco, Australia-“ 

She replied, “Zambibi”. 

I sort of paused. My mom’s first language is English, but her mother immigrated here to the USA when she was still a teenager, about 19 years old. I don’t think she ever had English lessons as a child- it was all instant immersion for my grandmother- and my grandmother did this All. The. Time. Where she’d combine more than one language into one word. When my mom said “Zambibi”, she was thinking not only of the country in Africa called Zambia, but also of how middle eastern people call their significant others “Habibi”. I sort of laughed, unsure if my mom was joking, trying to be like her mother or what. Then just replied, “No. no snack boxes from Zambibi.” 

Songs I’ve Been Enjoying

 I’ve been an Enya fan since I was a very little kid, but I never heard If I Could Be Where You Are. It’s the perfect song for a missing person. A couple years ago, I tried blogging about each individual missing person that might be alive and why. It got overwhelming, because there are so many of them. Now, I plan to just write a “why a lot of missing people are probably still alive” post in general. May many of them be found alive in 2025. 

Courage to Change by Sia. Every time I hear a new Sia song, I like her more and more. Did you know that when I was little, I wanted to be called Sia because my Greek name is Dionysia?  Most Greek women named Dionysia are named Denise in English, but Denise didn’t flow with my maiden name. My parents wouldn’t let me go by Sia, though, and if I tried to now, it wouldn’t work because of the singer. Still what an inspirational song!

The Wayseer Manifesto is a little old. I remember when it came out over a decade ago. Some of the scenes are inspirational. Some kind of didn’t age well. I’m not sure if that guy was trying to start a cult or a movement, but the message is nice. 

Angry Hula performed at the Merrie Monarch festival in Hawaii always makes me cry. I love the lady that chants at the beginning. She looks like my godmother actually.  Another beautiful performance during another Merrie Monarch festival. 

Overcoming Depression

 I think being sick with the flu for just about a month sunk me into a pretty moderate amount of depression. I’m feeling better today, and I was also feeling better last night. 

The thing about depression is that I will take depression any day over feeling anxiety or panic attacks. Next month, it will be 11 years since I started having panic attacks, and they are no fun. I do not like to say “they’re worse than pain” because I don’t want to be struck with any kind of pain that is worse than a panic attack. I will always say that panic attacks are worse than any physical pain that I’ve personally ever felt, including childbirth. 

I’m done with my Christmas shopping, so that’s good. Kevin and I are exchanging gifts as soon as they’re delivered. That way, there won’t be anything on actual Christmas but we don’t care. I offered my daughter her stocking for St. Nicholas Day and she refused. So she’ll probably refuse also on her namesday which is 12/9 and her “half birthday” which is 12/11. She always loved getting away with opening small things on those small significant days, but now she wants to wait for everything on actual Christmas. I can’t believe this Wednesday will only mark six months until she’s an 18 year old legal adult!  Hooray for no longer having a custody order anymore. 

Tree and Holidays

 Here is a two second clip of my cat Mitchell biting the Christmas tree. 

We put up the tree, and my daughter came for an early Thanksgiving. She absolutely loves her room at my house in Waller. 

After she left, though, I got really depressed.  My mom came for actual Thanksgiving, and it was just her and I with Kevin and his parents.  She makes fun of me in front of them, and I’m not allowed to say anything to defend myself.  Eventually, I took my maximum allowed dose of anxiety meds, went back to the guest house where Kevin and I live, and fell asleep.  She ruined the entire holiday spirit, and now the depression is a huge fog.  It might also have something to do with the fact that I had the flu for a month idk.