Down the Rabbit Hole

Because of my experience hating the training to become an RBT, I ended up on an anti-ABA rabbit hole. Young adults who had bad experiences as children are often explained away by “That was the old ABA, there’s a new approach now.”  However, I also learned that speech language pathologists and occupational therapists also have major beef with ABA. So, I went down that rabbit hole, because while I’m not one of these job titles myself, I could definitely relate to all of what they’re saying. I do not have the life experience to relate to young adults with bad childhood experiences, I can relate to the SLP’s and OT’s because their beefs come from a more professional/ working pov. I don’t care to link all of the discussions, but if you go to Reddit, search “SLP ABA” and all of these discussions come up. 

One thing that I cannot find now in order to screenshot is that one person had issue with the fact that they use tickling as a reinforcement. This person said, “None of them should be tickling a child, ever.”  

I was extremely uncomfortable with that, too. One of the kids had tickling as their reinforcement, and it gave me so much ick. So often over that week and a half or whatever it was, I would just not try and express my disdain at all.  I have no idea why I was so passive with these people. Now that I look back at two-weeks-ago-me, I want to scream at her. Why didn’t you at least “ask” to clarify why they use that as a reinforcement???  I didn’t though, and I’m ashamed that I didn’t. I definitely could have asked in a respectful manner. I guess I just assumed this place was highly regulated and it was ok. 

This person is talking about how only one OT coworker knows, and she thinks her SLP supervisor suspects that she’s against ABA.  She also talks all throughout the thread about being a very passive person and not wanting to say ONE thing negative, because the minute she does, the floodgates will open up and she’ll rant. I totally get that. 

It was extremely rigid, she’s right. I couldn’t put it into words at the time. The number of hours was wild to me. Think about the different types of therapy you’ve been through in your life- can you imagine being at it 40 hours a week?  Even intensive programs are no more than 20. “Withholding” is a natural consequence of a lot of actions that most of us do when we parent or care for other kids, but the way it was done here was just off. It didn’t make sense. 

These two comments bring up what was the majority of what threw me off. ABA uses terms like “tact”, “mand” and “echoic” and a whole slew of others which I’m not going to type out, because apparently they are in fact such fake words that not even my autocorrect knows them. The fact that I had to memorize these terms that meant super basic things at my old age made me think- am I somehow uneducated on very basic things?  It felt like I had somehow traveled to a different time and space because they were constantly using their own terminology that no one ever uses anywhere else. I often wanted to ask “Que?” Because it felt like I was listening to someone speaking a foreign language and I didn’t know what certain words meant. And if that was the case, then what have I been doing for 30 years?  I have a lot of experience, but all of a sudden I had none. 

This. It was pretty obvious that they weren’t comprehending the information. They just knew the rote answer to the rote question. The fact that it’s not real learning can slide somewhat, but this lady says, “That’s not communication.”  

I wouldn’t have compared it to expecting a deaf person to respond to a sound, but in a way it was. I don’t feel guilty making that comparison, because the women who trained me compared the kids twice to feral cats. My comparison is more humane, because it comes from an understanding that some of the demands (mands 🙄) placed on the kids were things they weren’t capable of. Another comment I found that I can’t find now to screenshot was, “If our kiddos could, then they would.”  

This. Also this. They were very cold towards the kids. Very monotonous and rigid. They even tried to correct me and make me interact more like them and I couldn’t do it. 

This is more of a testament to the whole “feeling like you’re in a different time and place, speaking another language and wanting to ask que”. I don’t feel as alone now that I read this from this other person. 

I found it too difficult to talk about this experience with my therapist. I already knew that she was just going to say “It’s not a good fit for you, and that’s ok!” My husband also thinks “It just wasn’t a good fit, and that’s ok.”  To me, it goes deeper than that. I personally have never been able to get away with just saying something wasn’t a good fit. I’m obligated to think that my whole entire existence is a failure if one thing doesn’t work out. I also already know that my therapist is going to view that as “black and white thinking” and just reiterate this whole positive mindset.  But honestly, I have no way know truly knowing if she’s only telling me what I want to hear because I’m paying. If any of the people who raised me to believe I am obligated to see myself as a failure were somehow in charge of and paying for my therapist, then she’d be obligated to see things from the pov of those haters. (For instance, if I was a minor, under conservatorship like Britney was, or otherwise unable to support myself).  

Someone suggested a book called “The Autism Industrial Complex.” And I just might give it a read. Unfortunately, it’s not on audible. 

One more thing I gathered from the SLP’s was that it seems like ABA simply copies their goals for the kids and calls it “New ABA” in order to say it’s not “the old ABA” that young adults are speaking out against now.  That would infuriate me too.  

 

Bedbound Sunday

This was the first thing ChatGPT came up with when I asked it to make a caricature of me. The main problem with it is that I’m wearing the inventory calculator around my waist, and I do not work at the inventory service anymore. Also, my hair is growing rapidly, and it’s longer than that now. So I told ChatGPT that I no longer work at the inventory company and that I’m working with children with autism. My hair is longer, and don’t forget my sewing and my cats. 

Speaking of inventory, Kevin went Corpus Christi this morning for work and will be there until Friday. They hired a young man to replace me who worked most of last week, but this young man didn’t show up to go to Corpus. 

I stayed in bed most of the day. I had my first appointment with the new therapist, and it went ok. I just gave her a brief rundown of my past. 

I did one errand, for toilet paper and a prescription. It was a lazy day. I watched a couple of shows. I’m watching Versailles, which is a drama about King Louis XIV. There’s not much to report here. New job is going well. I just have to get out of the headspace of working in a daycare, because it’s not daycare. 
 

Caricature Trend

“Ask ChatGPT to make a caricature of you with everything it knows about you.”

 

Driver’s License Drama

 Kevin’s license is expiring, so he went to the DMV. I know that Texas recently started requiring birth certificates for license renewals, but Kevin didn’t believe me. It’s new, I explained. Still, he didn’t believe it until he actually went. He doesn’t know where his is, and has to order it from the state of Massachusetts where he was born. But, he doesn’t know the name of his biological father, nor does he know what his last name was at birth. His mother married his first stepfather when he was about two, and that’s who’s last name he and I have. His current stepfather is his mother’s third husband. I actually wasn’t even sure if his mother and biological father were married, so I asked what the name was on his birth certificate. Was it his mom’s maiden name?  The only thing he told me he ever knew about his biological father was that he was Italian. 

With needing to order his birth certificate, he had to ask his mom. He just never cared before, even though she’s always offered the information to him. She told him the first, middle, and last name of his biological father and asked if he wanted to know why they got divorced. He didn’t, but he told me the name and I burst out laughing, because it’s the most ridiculously Italian name you’ve ever heard. Then I googled him, only to find an obituary from 2003. I clicked on it, and him and Kevin were frickin twins!  It was kind of hilarious how much they looked alike, actually. I showed Kevin, and Kevin laughed at the resemblance. Kevin then started sharing a lot of memories of his first stepfather, whose last name he ended up with. It’s clear that that’s the one who earned the title of dad. 

Then he told me, thank goodness his mom is still alive because he would have needed to know this information in order to renew his driver’s license. 

Frozen Saturday Tidbits 🧊 🥶

 

These are the four yards of fabric I got from the sewing vac city store in Cypress. I do have a lot of pink denim, white denim, brown denim and black denim. I also have solids in these colors, so I got one yard of something that will alternate well in each color scheme. 

This was a 25 cent day find. I’d never be caught dead in it, but I thought the fabric was way nicer than it is. It’s not satin or silk, it’s all some nasty thin polyester lining type fabric. Not even good for lining, not even good for scrunchies. I did cut the dress apart to see how it was made. It’s basically just made with a ton of gathering stitches. I can see how this ended up in the pile. 

Speaking of gathering stitches, I did this prototype skirt with the waist of some jeans I cut up for denim quilt squares and a skirt I got from 25 cent day. I used this Tutorial first, then graduated to This one because I don’t have a gathering foot. Be forewarned, though, most of the comments in that second video were very triggered that she cut the pockets. I don’t cut the pockets, but to each their own. There’s a whole big thing nowadays about little girl’s clothing “not having pockets”, but it must be a Mandela effect. I always had pockets growing up. 

I was not super picky about how even my gathering was, I just wanted to get the hang of how to do this. It was easier than I thought. My cousin said it needed darts, but, it’s a gathered skirt. When I made a second prototype of maroon denim with lavender satin, I could see where maybe there could have been one dart?  But it was probably just an issue of uneven gathering. That went in the trash. 

Last but not least, here’s the button stash I have amassed from 25 cent day finds. 

 

Hot Flashes in an Arctic Blast

 It’s about to dip into the 20’s here in Texas, and everyone is freaking out. I don’t understand the hype, but I’m from Chicago. 

Here are some things going on around here:  I’m listening to a new podcast I recently discovered called Stolen Lives. It’s a true crime channel dedicated to children. Normally, true crime channels dedicated to children like STLC will get into a lot of very gory details and be quite triggering. Stolen Lives cuts to the chase in order to avoid triggering people while still giving facts, but still issues a content warning. Stolen Lives is still upsetting, don’t get me wrong!  STLC is just way more upsetting! 

I have two space heaters to prepare for the upcoming freeze, but the moment I turn them on, I get hot flashes from hell within 30 minutes and need to turn them off. At night, my comforter alone keeps me warm. The heaters make it too hot, even if I set them to 76. Any lower than that, it’s not worth turning them on. 

I want yall to know that I am reading my little handful of blogs, I just can’t comment or reply to comments. Google still shows me a QR code on the screen. Not sure what to do with that. I feel old. I could call my kid to help, but then I’d be just like my mom. 

Today I visited a sewing and quilting mega store in cypress, and was not as impressed as I thought. I did spend $56 on only 4 yards of fabric.  That was hard to do, since I’m used to paying only 25 cents. The prints I got were extremely pretty though, and when I finally bring them in from the car, I’ll post pics. 

Crafts

I attempted to make a couple of scrunchies for the first time in about 25 years. This fabric is from the ties on the yellow formal dress I got on 25 cent day. It needs to be longer for more “scrunch”, but my slip stitch looks pretty good. 

Red wreath for Christmas time. Those flowers are so “pointy” that it’s hard to tell if the wreath is even on both sides. 

And I’m not sending one to my North Carolina friend after all. She sucks for not taking her cat and not understanding my situation with Jordan. Speaking of Jordan, he is just so much fun and all baby energy. We love having him around. But my best friend/cousin the psychiatrist picked this one when I sent her all three pics. She also got my rainbow quilt when I needed practice shipping quilts. Now I need practice shipping wreaths. 

And in a shocking turn of events, I will start Friday, January 30th working full time with children with autism. I interviewed for this last week, and was shocked when they sent me an offer. Kevin is proud of me. It’s nice to have a partner who believes in me. I’m trying to increase my step count daily so I can RUN  after these kids. It’s one on one, though. I’ll explain more later. 

 

White Wreath

 I made this wreath out of white flowers. This time of year is good for all plain white decor. It doesn’t show well up against a white wall, of course. If I list it for sale, I’d photograph it against a different background. 

My friend who was going to move to North Carolina finally made it there. I want to send her a wreath for a housewarming gift. She was oohing and ahhing over wreaths I made before. It would also give me practice shipping wreaths. However, I get the feeling she’s mad at me, and here’s why:

Before moving, she was trying to rehome a cat. Then on December 21, our black baby cat Jordan adopted us by barging into our home saying, “MEOWWWW YOU'RE MY HUMANS NOW!!!”

She annoyingly asked me why I didn’t adopt her cat if I “wanted another one”. I explained that I didn’t “want” another one. This baby was unplanned. It just happened!  I don’t know how!

She has not talked to me since, so I am not sure if sending her a gift would be ok. Maybe it would be a peace offering? I didn’t do anything wrong, though. 

Half Birthday Tidbits

My daughter testing positive for celiac disease is actually a relief. Ever since she came home from her first semester, she’s had this issue where she can’t keep a lot of things down. She had an unintentional weight loss of about 7 pounds. She doesn’t have 7 pounds to lose!  I was honestly scared that it could be something a lot worse. A lot of people live with celiac. It sucks, but it is what it is. 

Anna asked me if anyone on my side of the family has it. I said I don’t know, people in my family don’t talk about important things like what runs in our DNA.  Then I thought, let me text my cousin Raymond. He’s the son of my mom’s sister, and he’s always up in everyone’s business. This was the conversation. 

I guess you learn something new every day. I was laying down with Kevin and reading these messages out loud as they came in. Kevin likes to laugh at conspiracy theories. This might not be a “conspiracy theory”, I mean I just heard about it yesterday and have no idea, but the laughing was fun. Raymond’s next message was just telling me that King Arthur flour doesn’t have gluten, and I ended the conversation with a thumbs up. 

In other news. Whenever I’m not working I’m cutting up my 25 cent day finds into 6 and a half inch squares. It’s a therapeutic and relaxing activity. I do it sitting at the other end of the dining room table from Kevin while he’s gaming. 

The pants below are not going to be used in a denim chenille quilt, because they aren’t denim. They appear to be leather pants but aren’t. They are size 26, very long and wide. In the thrift store, I wondered if they were real leather. Whether they were or weren’t, the material would make great headbands. I looked in the waist for the tag, and the tag didn’t specify what they were made of. I threw them in the cart anyway, because 25 cents. 

Then while cutting them up, I found another tag in the leg. They’re faux leather, polyurethane outside and cotton lining. They’ll still make great headbands. 

Here’s Mitchell enjoying one bag of 25 cent jeans 

Here’s another pair in bright turquoise. I found a lot of colors this time. 

I also recently found out that a lot of knitters unravel sweaters for the yarn. There was a lady at 25 cent day with a cart full of sweaters, and I wondered if she was doing that. I didn’t ask, though. Some of the people push and shove on 25 cent day, so I don’t think many people are up for conversation. I cannot knit to save my life, but I imagine unraveling sweaters is as soothing as cutting squares. 

I posted this picture that day on instagram with the caption “it’s 25 cent day again!”  One of my friends, who has 8 kids and a grandbaby, was commenting all kinds of stuff about how she wished she had this place near her. I replied that on Wednesdays, people run in like it’s the supermarket sweep. She said, I bet. 

Today is also January 17th, which makes it my half birthday. A half birthday is the six month mark from your actual birthday. Since my birthday is July 17, then my half birthday is January 17, 6 months before and after, “halfway”.  I’m 47 years old.  So this makes me “3/4 of the way through my 40’s.”  Most people don’t analyze stuff like that, but I do. 

I think the rest of my life is going to be positive. I have some things to work out, but for the most part, life is a lot better than it was when I was young. I’m grateful for whatever time I have left, which I’m honestly starting to think is more time than I realize. 

 

Celiac Disease

 

My 18 year old daughter was diagnosed with celiac disease. She has been throwing up after meals and sometimes spacing out. Her pediatrician is referring her to an adult gastroenterologist to further confirm it. I wondered why it took until age 18 to manifest. She didn’t have these problems when she was a kid. Basically, it’s an autoimmune disease and was dormant her whole life until something triggered it recently. The trigger can be any number of things. One thing I found online is that kids with dormant celiac disease get frequent headaches, and she did. She’ll be ok, just has to eat a gluten free diet. I grocery shopped this afternoon and picked up these things. She’s packing up to go back to school at Texas State University and asked me to leave these things at my house for when she comes over. I’m just so glad she’s going to be ok. 

Shelving Unit

I got this idea from the Mormons. Buy big industrial size cans for an emergency food supply, and use them to hold up extra shelves you may have lying around. Or, you can purchase shelves that are freestanding for this project. No adhesive is needed. In fact, don’t use adhesive, because then you can’t access the cans of food if you are in an emergency or just trying to rotate them properly in the future. 

When I lived in my old-old apartment on Beamer Rd, when it was just me and my daughter from ages 3-12, I had one of these. I didn’t keep it in the kitchen, though. It was in the “foyer” area of the apartment. I had removed the commercial labels and put a small piece of tape on the top telling me what was in the cans. This way, it had a more uniform look to it. On that shelving unit, I put office supplies, mail, figurines on the bottom, and other random things. During my time there, I rotated it a couple of times. I did use it as an emergency food stash during hurricane Harvey in 2017. Aside from various types of beans and fruit, I had large cans of chef boyardee canned pasta meals. 

I didn’t get those for this one, because Kevin is a vegetarian, and Anna and I no longer really eat those. As you can probably see, I got peaches and pineapples for the bottom. There are cans of black beans behind the pinto beans. The other cans are all green beans. I guess if there’s a hurricane, we are going to have a lot of beans. There is a better selection of large cans in Arizona.  This is because Mormons are preppers. I don’t blame them. I’m a little bit of a prepper, too. I’ve lived in Texas for 23 and a half years now, and in that time there have been three major disasters, NOT including the Covid lockdown, where everything was closed and there was no electricity. Two hurricanes, and the big freeze. 

I also like this shelving idea. 

 

Happy Sunday

I deleted the post about almost being recruited into a scam. That was so interesting. I deleted it, because I did call them out my name and they have my home address. I want to undelete it, but can’t figure out how. It’s ok 👌🏼. 

One of my friends went to a baby shower. This is a diaper cake. It’s made from diapers. The diapers are held together with little rubber bands. I made one for a coworker about ten years ago, and it leaned, like the tower of Pisa. My mom semi fixed it with curling ribbon. I’m not sure what went wrong or what she did. I want to make one for a friend’s upcoming shower, but she doesn’t know the sex of the baby and won’t until birth. That’s ok, the color scheme can be green then. Hopefully this one won’t be the tower of Pisa. The problem is the cost of diapers nowadays. How on earth do they expect the birth rate to go up when they price gouge the he'll out of baby items?!?!  I still want to do it though!

With the jeans I got from 25 cent day, I want to make skirts like this. That’s because I have to cut off the waist in order to make quilting squares from the legs. Why throw the waists away?  I would wear something like this, so would my daughter. They’re cute. 

Our baby Jordan got his big boy surgery ✂️ 

He is such a good boy. So cuddly and friendly, but he does attack feet in the middle of the night and uses claws. Not sure how to break him of that. 

I had a very vivid dream last night of the Greek goddess Artemis. This dream was so real and vivid, that I was disoriented when I woke up. In the dream, she was definitely Artemis, but instead of being of Greek ancestry, she was indigenous American. She had long hair in dreadlocks as well. That was weird. In the dream, she somehow needed me and I needed her, but she was beyond reach. If I spoke to her, she couldn’t hear me. She was also speaking to me, and I couldn’t hear her. Finally after a long while, I was right next to her, and she sort of roughed me up by my shoulders (not violently, just to get my attention) and told me that I didn’t realize how much ability I had. She was semi pissed off, but mostly benevolent towards me. She had a bow and arrow with her in the dream, but it was broken and unusable. She walked away, leaving it behind and I woke up. 

I asked ChatGPT to make this image of her as I saw her in my dream. It’s not quite accurate. In my dream she wasn’t that “glamorous looking”. 

Lastly, while scrolling TikTok, I found this beautiful dance

Somehow, I have ended up on Apostolic Pentecostal TikTok. I’m not Apostolic Pentecostal, but I do have a cousin’s wife that is. They do that dancing in church, and I love it. The lady holding fabric that looks like fire is such a beautiful touch. She’s talented. Here is the song she’s dancing to. 

 

More on Sewing

Google is doing some BS to where I have to do something with a QR code in order to log in to comment anywhere. That’s why I haven’t been commenting on anyone’s blog. I guess I could do it anonymously, but gahhhh. I would respond to this in the usual way, but of course I can’t. So here goes. 

Back in late 2013, I had an EIN number for something I wanted to do. Then I started getting panic attacks in January of 2014, and all hopes and dreams fell to the wayside. I don’t know if EIN’s are for life or if I’d have to get a new one, but that wouldn’t be a problem. I know I’d have to insure myself. I don’t know how, because I just never learned how to start a business. I did order a book on all of this, and it’s on the way.  Sewing lessons would be either in my home or theirs, wherever they feel comfortable.  

Something you may not know about me: When I was growing up, there was this huge narrative that not only would no one ever hire me, but no one would ever patronize any business I started or buy any product I sold. No one would ever marry me, date me, sleep with me, so forget having a family, and no one would ever sell me a house or rent me an apartment.  Sometimes I wonder what they thought would come of me by now.  Sounds impossible- what would someone actually do with their life if that narrative was true?  

Because of this, there are a lot of basics about life I do not know.  I’m sure I can find out what I need by calling progressive.  If they can’t help me, they can refer me, and I can shop around.  

I think there’s a demand for this with homeschoolers, and homeschool co-ops. There are a lot of them around here.  We’ll see!  It’s just something I want to toy around with, and decide later.  

I had the chance to go to my favorite thrift store today- on Wednesday mornings, they have 25 cent day  where everything is 25 cents!  I usually only buy denim items for the denim chenille quilts, but today I actually found a formal gown!  They never have formal gowns on 25 cent day.  If my daughter doesn’t wear this somewhere, I can do something with it.  I haven’t found any flaws, but I can always fix whatever is wrong and try to resell it.  

I also wanted to show this off- it’s all the buttons I cut off of items from 25 cent day. I have another zip lock full somewhere. So, another thing I want to learn besides EIN numbers and things like that is button art. 

I have so many buttons. Can’t throw them away!

 

Feedback Wanted

 I have a question. What would you think if I started my own business teaching kids how to sew?  I’ve had this idea for a while now.  I’ve already written three curriculums for different ages. Feedback appreciated.