What’s in a Name?

 I wanted to log here some of the problems I’m having changing my last name since I got married on March 19. 

When I was born, my parents didn’t give me a middle name. They claim they “forgot”. 

When I married my first husband 20 years ago, I took his last name and simply made my maiden name my middle name. No hyphen. It just became a middle name. There were no problems at the time except for the fact that the woman at the DMV thought I was age 16 instead of 26.  She looked at my birth year and just did the math wrong. She asked me with anger in her voice, “Did your parents LET you get married?”  I said, “Yes?” With an obvious confused look on my face. When it became clear that she mistook me for ten years younger than I was, I corrected her and said, “It’s ok, the change of centuries kind of makes it hard to do math” or something to that effect.  She stayed mad and told me, “Get against the blue screen so I can take your picture!”  In that ID card, my face was like this: 😒 

After that, it was simply a matter of calling around to report it. I had no problems whatsoever. 

This time, I’m running into problems. I’ve had two female phone operators simply say they couldn’t help me and couldn’t change my name. In both instances, I freaked out for a few hours, started to come up with a plan in case I was ever pulled over by a cop and had to explain why I have two names. Then I called each entity back and spoke to someone else, and neither person the second times around gave me hassle. 

One of my friends told me that there’s actually a bill being introduced by the Trump administration that would prevent you from voting if your legal name differs from your birth certificate. She said those women were trying to do me a favor. I looked this bullshit up.  It’s one of those things that has a snowball’s chance of passing, and opponents of it are turning into extremists themselves. Especially when you won’t ALLOW a person to change their name upon getting married. Do me a favor?  Get over yourselves. 

At least now I know why it just seems impossible and like I’m running into roadblock after roadblock. Their attempts to save my right to vote would be in vain anyway, since this is my second marriage and my legal name won’t match my birth certificate anyway. Or, my choice to make my maiden name my middle name would have saved my right to vote. So maybe it was my parents who “did me a favor” by forgetting my middle name. (How on earth can you forget to give a kid a middle name though?). 

In case you’re wondering, my middle name would have been Marina. It’s the Greek Orthodox saint whose patron day is the day I was born, July 17th. The icons of her show her holding satan by an ankle and beating him in the head with a hammer. It definitely would have been appropriate for me. 

Two Months to Go!

 Exactly two months from today my daughter turns 18. Here’s a picture I took of her on this day in 2008 when it was only two months till she turned 1.  I used to love putting her in those tie dye rompers. 

Thank you for all of the support regarding that god awful therapist. I remember there used to be this subreddit called r/roastme, where people would give their personal situations and/or post pictures of themselves and ask to be roasted. By that, they meant they wanted people to basically verbally abuse and insult them. That’s actually what seeing this therapist felt like. She claimed to be mad that I pointed out the lack of bio markers for psychological conditions, but she also didn’t like that I regret college and that I am married to an older man who was my boss. 

It’s proving harder than it was 20 years ago to change my last name. I’ve encountered two entities that were like “nope can’t help you”. But all I had to do in the end was wait a few hours, call back and get someone else, and get the name change done successfully. 

My health insurance premium is going up by $100 a month, and my car insurance premium is going down by $90 a month. 

I also saw a gastroenterologist, but more on that later. It’s a really long story. I didn’t just go see him for a colonoscopy consult. I was told in 2022 that I have a slight condition, but more on that later. In past blog posts, I’ve said that I lost no more than 25 pounds since January of 2024. Well I weighed myself the morning of my first appointment with him, and I was another 7 pounds down. So now I can safely say I’ve lost at least 30. Next blog post will be all about this. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about the thing I was diagnosed with in 2022, because I don’t want to hear horror stories from people who had a friend who knew a person who’s spouse’s sister’s son had it or whatever. Stay tuned. 

Extremely Bad Day

 Depression has completely overtaken me. I heard back from the teledoc app and found out why the therapist I saw Tuesday “requested cancellation” and thought I was a bad fit. In the beginning of the session she asked me if I’d been to a psychiatrist or therapist before and what my diagnosis was. I answered honestly. I suffered panic attacks for 10 years, and saw some 8-10 mental health professionals during that decade. They mostly diagnosed me with different things, but the most consistent diagnosis was anxiety or panic attacks. She then asked why I was diagnosed with many different things. I simple said, because this isn’t an empirical science. There is no blood test or imaging that can give a definitive diagnosis. All there is is the provider’s interpretation of what I’m telling them. 

Teledoc got back to me to let me know that she said I made an inappropriate comment that psychiatry wasn’t a “real” science. And I am 100% sure I didn’t say “real.”  I said “empirical.”  What really burns me is the fact that she didn’t even stop me when I said it to sort of explain the DSM or anything. (The DSM is still not the same as a blood test or imaging), but she could have back tracked and sought further explanation. Instead she chose to give me a dirty look through the entire session. She allowed me to open up about regretting my college degree and actually argued with me about it. She allowed me to say I’d just gotten married to someone I met at work, which women like herself generally believe is unacceptable. 

I feel extremely defeated and can not even function today. I forgot why I even sought out therapy. I don’t even want to get out of my bed. My cat is out of retirement from his therapy cat days and laying on my head. (He’s not an official therapy cat, I just call him that.). 

The only positive thing is that my daughter had her prom. Here are some pictures. I’m glad she can’t see me like this. 

At the end of the day, what I said was true. There are no physical tests to test for psychiatric conditions, and that’s a fact whether it offends someone or not. If they feel that strongly about it, they can get to work developing a physical test. I remember getting extra credit in college for participating in psychological studies where all I had to do was answer questions. No one could control what I or anyone else answered. It’s the truth whether anyone likes it or not or not. 

Therapy Update

 I was willing to give the therapist with the judge mental eyebrows one more shot. You know what it was more of a dirty look. Not only that but she was arguing with me the whole time. When I told her that my panic attacks started when I graduated college, she argued with me that getting a degree was “always worth it.”  I simply responded, “Not for me.”  When I said that people in my family had a problem with me getting married and only wanted me to have a career, she pushed back and said, “But it’s your choice.”  And when she found out that Kevin and I met at work and that he’s 12 years older than me, the look on her face showed an insane amount of disapproval, but I think she could tell that I wasn’t back ing down from my “choice”. 

Well two nights ago, I got a message on the teledoc app saying that she was requesting cancellation and didn’t even give me a reason why. I was flabbergasted. It was obvious that my suspicions were correct and she just had a problem with me as a person. It explains the evil eye she gave me the whole entire time. Forget addressing my health anxiety anymore. I spent all yesterday just a crying mess. We live in a society where everyone worships therapy. It’s the only solution to anything. I was completely nonfunctional yesterday and yes I did call the main number asking why this happened. What was her reason for doing this to me. It’s absolutely pointless though. I don’t know how I’m going to function this upcoming week. It’s been extremely hard and I do not even know if I want to know why she had such a low opinion of me. Maybe she’s against my age gap relationship and the fact that we met at work, maybe she’s against the fact that I regret my college degree. I don’t know I just know that things were mostly fine and now they’re not fine at all and I’m not fine in the slightest 

Helpfulness of Therapy

 I’m seeing that therapist for the second time on Tuesday evening. I know it was my choice to go, but now I seem to be dreading it. I just don’t find it helpful after all. At the end of the session, she tried to teach me box breathing. I know all about breathing techniques, and in fact, there are several things you can do in the moment for panic attacks that are well known. A long time ago, I found an article 13 Things to do for a Panic Attack. 

In fact, if you google that, several more articles come up regurgitating the same tips and adding a couple additional tips here and there. When it comes to panic attacks, I feel like any therapist I see is just going to paraphrase those articles, give me the same tips, and nothing else. 

Also, I was not able to do my routine blood work yesterday because the order from teledoc still has my old last name on it. I changed my name at the dmv Monday. So I spent yesterday correcting that hassle. Now I have to go back to fedex office and print the order again. 

Regarding the 13 things to do for panic attacks- it’s not exactly that some of them “work” and some “don’t work”. It’s that they all work and don’t work at different times, depending on a million different things. I remember writing down for one therapist what “percentage of the time” each one worked, but the percentages fluctuate. That therapist just sat there and argued with me that they should work all the time, because “they are backed by science.”  I didn’t have the confidence at the time to tell her that in those scientific studies, at least some of the participants did state that it didn’t work. The findings are an overall thing. I shouldn’t have had to argue that to someone with a master’s degree. 

We’re having heavy storms today with flash flooding, so I can’t go to fedex until later today or tomorrow. Then hopefully I can do my fasting blood Monday and THEN I also have to go report my name change to the social security office. 

Everything seems like such a pain in the ass all of a sudden. 

Seed ball Garden Update 🪴 🌿

My seed ball mixtures of 3 kinds of squash, spinach, cilantro and catnip now look like this. 

My father in law fell about a month ago and since then hasn’t been himself. Because of this, we didn’t want to ask him if we could plant them in the ground. We live on his property in the guest house. So we bought this planter. I’m not sure how it will work but at least now we have it. It’s reusable. 

 

Quilt Rows

I went through two drawers full of blue and gray denim quilt blocks and pieced them together in rows of 7 blocks. I thought I could make a denim chenille quilt for my Etsy shop that consisted of 7 rows of 7 blocks (all of the previous ones were 6 rows of 6 blocks). I put the rows together, and I realized that I had two different shades of gray. The inconsistency gave me a bad case of the irritation. Here’s the before:

So I took some of them apart and took some of my remaining blocks apart just enough to fix it so it’s all the dark shade of gray. The end result is now only 6 rows of 7 blocks, but still a good size and the colors look more uniform. 

I thought back to my real estate class. It taught that if all houses in a sub division look the same, then the value increases. You may support someone’s right to choose to paint their own house purple, but the reality is that it will bring the value of the whole block or sub division down. That’s why those pesky HOA’s exist. I guess they’re a necessary evil, even though I really wish people could do as they wished with their own houses. Same went with this quilt. I have a better chance of selling it if the rows looked better. 

 

Therapy 👿😾👺

 This evening I had a therapy session. I would like to work through my fear of routine medical tests and the fear that something extremely catastrophic will happen just because I’m happy and in a good place now. I briefly described how I feel, what my goals are for therapy, and how I had extremely debilitating panic attacks for approximately ten years. The therapist had judgmental eyebrows. I don’t know how to describe it. She was knotting her eyebrows the whole time, and maybe she was concentrating. Otherwise, therapy was ok. She convinced me to go for my bloodwork. I’m off Friday and Monday, so I can go then- I just need to find out where to go. So I sent a general message on teledoc saying I looked on my order and can’t find where to go. They will answer in the morning. At least I hope. She gave me a breathing exercise. To me, breathing exercises don’t work well. I didn’t tell her that. I just let her think she was helping, because I feel like I’m going to need her at bay until I’m done getting all these tests. I need bloodwork, a Pap smear, a mammogram, and a colonoscopy. And even those aren’t going to ease my fears because what if I have a brain tumor?  They don’t screen yearly for that. 

I told her that I lost three cousins three years in a row in car accidents. Then two years after the last one, a friend of my mom died of pancreatic cancer and a year after that, the husband of another of her friends died of the same thing. Both of these people were health nuts!  The man ran marathons, and the woman was a yoga teacher. Anything can happen to anyone.  But this therapist said, that’s not a pattern. That was helpful. Catastrophic events do not happen in any kind of pattern, even if they seem to. 

Work is going ok. It’s slow, but still mildly steady. At the end of April we have a big ass busy spurt with a lot of overtime so I’m bracing myself. I found this picture online, and it reminds me of myself in my severe panic attack days  the woman in this painting also sort of looks like me when I was in my 30’s  

Quilts are fuzzy!

Today I went to Brenham, Texas to do some side jobs and wash my finished denim chenille quilts at a laundromat that I know has great washers and dryers. I think the quilts look so cute!  I put the rainbow one on my side of the bed and the other two I bagged up and put away, because they’ll be for sale. 

I also picked a bluebonnet.  

I was tempted to visit the Blue Bell ice cream factory. They are right down the street from this truck stop, and have $1 per scoop ice cream. But I resisted. I’ve been doing great with eating healthy. I’ve lost 25 pounds in the last 15 months. I want to lose about 40 more. 

 

Updates- Quilt and Wedding Shawl

My cat Alex has inherited my wedding shawl. I caught him sleeping on it on my desk one night, and as I tried to take it from him, he gave me a “don’t even think about it” meow. He looks so cute with it, and I’m never going to wear it again so why not?  He is so adorable with it. 

The next thing is that I’ve been doing the clipping on four denim chenille quilts that I plan to list in an Etsy shop. The plan was to have quite a few of them, whatever is “enough” for an Etsy shop, and then take them all to a laundromat together. Once you finish the clipping, washing it once or twice produces the “chenille” fuzzy effect. There’s a truck stop we do inventory at every three months.  They have a large laundromat attached, and kevin and I have used it before. The washers and dryers are super nice. 

The thing is that I can’t seem to want to part with this particular rainbow quilt. I don’t think I want to sell this one. I’m actually sort of attached to it. So I’m just keeping it. The only person I’ll consider giving it to is my daughter, but only for her dorm or my house- not her dad’s house. This quilt is just meaningful to me for some reason. I love how I put something with each color that sort of represents that color. The red row has roses, the orange row has little round sun-like designs, the yellow row has sunflowers, the green row has leaves, the blue row has water, and the purple row has lilacs. Idk I just love it and can’t part. 

The design started when I completed the red and orange rows. The fabric with the roses was a 50% off remnant from Joann’s. The orange fabric with the designs that are sunlike are from a skirt I got on 25 cent day. I remember doing the orange and red rows and thinking,

Hmm now the other colors can’t really be too plain. I have to buy fabric that has a design for each row to kind of keep this going. It was complicated, but I did it. 

 

Reflection

 I decided that I need to talk to a therapist, at least briefly. I have been on an app called Teledoc. You can have actual medical appointments, referrals to specialists, and mental health care including therapy. All of it is 100% covered for me. So it’s great. I went on the therapy section and chose a therapist who has an opening Tuesday April 1 at 2:45 PM. 

I am just scared that now that I’m happy and in a good place in life, that some catastrophic event will occur. Like it’s going to be a devastating diagnosis or a freak accident. I mean I hope not. I know this feeling comes from finally being in a good place after ten years of hellish panic attacks. Hopefully, a therapist can help me work through it and not cancel appointments for routine cancer screenings. Yea, I did freak out and cancel my colonoscopy consult on April 1. I can’t do it until I work through the anxiety. 

Cancer scares the absolute hell out of me. I don’t just lose my cousin Kathy, I’ve lost several friends and family members to cancer. The scariest is pancreatic cancer. One of my mother’s friends and a husband of another of her friends both were diagnosed and died super fast after diagnosis. The same thing happened to Alex trebek, but he lived a lot longer than my parent’s friends. I know people have different preferences, but I’d much rather go in a freak accident if I had to die at all. I’d rather not linger for X amount of months knowing the end is nigh. I mean preferably,  I’d live into my 90’s like my bitchy aunts. But growing old is a privilege denied to many. And I have the basic fear that God is going to punish me for being happy. And not really struggling anymore. 

Hopefully I can work through this and that this therapist is actually as nice as she seems online. God knows I’ve had a few awful ones. 

Surreal

 Being married again feels surreal to me. I can’t believe we actually did it. In fact, Kevin said to me the other night, “Babe? We did it!”  

Yup we did!  When I went back to work at the inventory service over two years ago, I did not do so with any sort of intention of meeting someone there. 

On the day that Kevin and I got married, one of my aunts died. She was not the “most” evil of the bunch, but she was pretty horrible. She was the mother of the cousin I lost last year to colon cancer. She was 94 years old. My mom grew up with 6 older sisters, and now there are two left. My aunt on my dad’s side sent my mom a sympathy card, and at first when she told me about it, I thought my aunt on my dad’s side was sending sympathy that I got married. I had already forgotten. My mom isn’t too broken up over this. In fact the last time she had spoken to this sister of hers that died the day I got married, it was about ten years ago and the last thing she said to my mother was, “Fuck you and fuck all of your sisters.”  Of course I had to ask, does that include her as well?  Was she also telling herself, fuck you?  

It’s been hard all these years navigating all the weird pressure and bad advice I’ve gotten from the older generation in my family. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so hard to believe I’m in the good place that I am now. I saw This clip and had to rewatch it several times, laughing hysterically at it. It 100% reminds me of myself answering to all of my old people, and having them get judgmental with me all these years. 

Old Tunnel State Park

This weekend, Kevin and I took a mini trip to Fredericksburg, Texas and this morning went to the “Old Tunnel State Park.”  The trail here surrounds a bat colony. There is a theater with benches for when the bats come out at night. It was very nice and peaceful!! ☺️ 

 

Wedding

Got married today at justice of the peace. 

I’m glad it’s over. 

How on earth do people do this in front of hundreds in a big spectacle? I could never. 

Feeling relieved. 

 

Wedding Gift OMG

First of all, This was posted this morning, and I fell back asleep to it.  I love it, and I wish it was longer.

Secondly, I actually got a wedding gift from a family member.  This family member’s daughter in law messaged me and said she sends the same towel set to anyone getting married and she does the ordering for her mother in law.  She asked me what color I wanted and I said olive green.

 They came yesterday, and I was absolutely shocked not only at the sheer number of towels (There are three missing from the picture, because we had already decided to bathe and use them), but at the fact that I got a wedding gift at all.  Believe me when I tell you, I never expected anyone to be supportive, let alone enough to actually send me a gift.  It truly does feel like I have stepped into a parallel universe where me in a relationship doesn’t enrage everyone.  They are good quality towels!  And I was just thinking, I need new towels.

Insomnia on Days Off and Accomplishments

I only worry about insomnia when I have to work a long day.  During days off and shorter work days, being tired isn’t a big deal, especially since Kevin drives. Last night, Kevin went to bed super early, and I went through all of my fabric scraps. I was able to make a ton of these blocks for denim chenille quilts for when I make an Etsy shop- I made enough for one and  a half 6by 6 quilts. If I just pick up a half yard of navy blue at Walm next time I’m there, I can finish the other half. I also made my scraps into crazy quilt blocks, all pictured below. 

At one time, I was going to make a “skirt out of ties”, but it was a fail. I got the ties on 25 cent day, and they’re all torn up now. I lost interest in that. So I just threw them away. I don’t like being reminded of fails. 

While I worked, I watched the HULU docuseries called “The Devil in the family” about Rube Franke and Jodi Hildebrandt. Now, I had heard their names in the news a lot over the past couple years, but never took the deep dive. I worked with kids for about 20 years, and had one therapist suggest that I had “complex PTSD” from it all. I knew that it involved severe child abuse and wanted to wait until I was ready. When I saw that one of my favorite YouTubers, Alyssa Grenfell, posted a Reaction, I decided it was time to.  I had already renewed my HULU Subscription due to the Octomom docuseries and the fact that the final season of the Handmaid’s Tale is on the horizon. So I just logged on and watched it while I did scraps. 

It was funny to me how much Jodi Hildebrandt reminds me of my now 92 year old radical feminist aunt, whom I often refer to as my “evil aunt”. They had a lot of similarities. Then, I saw that her niece was interviewed. As horrible as my own evil aunt was, at least my mother never sent me to live with her!  If she ever did, then perhaps I would also have escaped to a neighbor’s house with duct tape around my ankles. My aunt did want to send me to the so called “troubled teen industry” though. When I got my first job in a daycare at age 16, she thought it made me want to get pregnant. It actually did, but it’s not like I was trying to. I didn’t even have a boyfriend until I was 18, and even then didn’t actively try to conceive. She actually called a place and told them about me, probably exaggerating the whole time. 

They told her to have my parents call them. She was just my aunt and didn’t have the authority to actually enroll me in anything. So she told my mother, and my mother responded that she wasn’t worried about me getting pregnant, because no one would probably ever want to be with me anyway. I didn’t even know about all of this until years later when I heard it from another cousin. We all have our own stories about her. When she dies y’all will know because the post will be titled “Ding Dong the witch is dead”. Seeing details about Jodi Hildebrandt makes me so glad my parents, despite major faults of their own, kept her mostly at a distance. She did live with us for a while, but not long enough to brainwash my parents into chaining me up. Thank goodness. 

 

Tidbits

 First of all thanks, Kathy G!!  I had absolutely no idea they put you out for a colonoscopy. That’s actually really good news. Such a relief!!  With that being said, why don’t they put you out for gynecological procedures as well?  I’ve had two IUD’s and I’m not going there right now- it’s an enormous debate online whether women deserve anesthesia during IUD insertions. 

Secondly, I finished all the sewing on a rainbow denim chenille quilt that I want to list for sale whenever I make an Etsy shop- 

Of course it’s not done, I still need to do all the clipping. I usually do that if I’ve woken up too early for work and am waiting for whatever Kevin declared “time to leave”. It’s different every morning due to start time and distance, but it is always at the crack of dawn!!  

I have others that are basic blues that I don’t think I’ve ever taken photos of. They need to be clipped as well. I also have a white themed one with white denim:

 

It’s all white denim on the back. I have so much white that this might be king size. 

I’m also going to charge a little more for the rainbows. They require more thought. 

Thirdly, I’ve gotten depressed reading the subreddit Find a Path. Not sure why I’m on there- I’ve pretty much found my path or paths. I just feel sorry for people who feel so lost in life. Especially when they say something similar to, “I’m 22 and I’ve completely ruined my life!”  And it’s something really minor that I also would have catastrophic over at age 22. I feel like Eminem in the song Not Afraid. When I want to tell someone everything is going to be ok, I feel like the first 23 seconds of that song. “It’s been a ride. I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one. Some of you might be in that place, you’re trying to get out. Come follow me. I’ll get you there.”  

Also, since Mariam on TikTok reminded me that today and tomorrow are Purim, I decided to watch my favorite movie version of itEsther. Warning, if you decide to watch the movie in that link about Queen Esther in the Bible, there are a ton of ads!  But it’s free! 

Colonoscopy Advice

 

On April 1 at 3:40 pm, I’m seeing a gastroenterologist (who, in his online profile, seems like a really nice guy but you never know) for a consult for a colonoscopy. 

Last year, I lost my cousin Kathy to colon cancer. Kathy had been sick as a dog for at least two years. At some point, she was scheduled for a colonoscopy, but didn’t go. She went through the “prep” the previous day, and then just didn’t go to the actual colonoscopy, because according to her, the prep made her feel a lot better. “I must have shit out whatever the problem was,” she had said. 

In December of 23, her adult daughter came for a visit and immediately stepped outside to call paramedics. She had looked that bad. They took her to the hospital, and discovered colon cancer which had spread as to her liver and somewhere else. She died at the end of January. It was devastating. 

Sometimes, people on hospice will become reclusive and not want to see or speak to anyone. This is how Kathy was. My mother didn’t understand, but I did because of my previous work as a CNA. Even though they were aunt and niece, they were more like sisters. And Kathy had the type of personality that it didn’t really surprise me that she’d not wanted to see or talk to anyone at the end of life. 

She was also deathly afraid of doctors, and that’s why this was never caught early. As the last year has gone by, I have realized that I am exactly the same way now about doctors. I cancel appointments.  I have exactly the same fears she did. There was one doctor who wrote everything Kathy’s was going through as “anxiety” and just giving her Paxil. My mom originally wanted that doctor sued. But you can’t, I said, you aren’t immediate family and she ditched her colonoscopy anyway. My mom doesn’t remember her saying “I must have shit out whatever the problem was.”  She selectively remembers things. That happened. I blow my mom off when she claims to not remember it. 

I don’t want to end up like Kathy, and I’m seeing so many similarities between me and her. 

I know Kathy could have had many more years on this earth, because her mom (my mom’s sister) is still alive and kicking and will turn 95 in June. Not only that, but she’s been smoking for about 80 years!  

It completely grosses me out to think of having a colonoscopy, and I do NOT want to freak out and ditch the appointment, and I want to go through with it no matter how awful it might be. 

So if anyone has been through a colonoscopy before and can give me some advice in the comments, that would be great!  I feel like people don’t really talk about any other cancers except for the ones that are female specific (breast, cervical, ovarian, uterine, etc). Then people with every other kind of cancer (men AND women), it creeps up on them in stage four when they all along had no idea something was wrong. My daughter is 17 and “wants three kids someday”, so I need to be around. Please tell me what to expect in the comments.   I have a feeling it’s not as bad as it seems, although I don’t have experience so I could be wrong. 

Songs Affiliated with Places

 I actually don’t know what my mom has against “Rocky” (Sylvester Stallone), but she will get pretty blunt when she doesn’t like a celebrity. I’m apathetic to Rocky, but if she hates someone I like, I tune it out, which results in tuning it out even when she’s ranting about someone I’m indifferent towards. It becomes habit. 

Today, I thought of all the times that I got certain songs stuck in my head only because I was in certain places. Probably three years ago now, I drove to Illinois to make a faster way to obtain a copy of my birth certificate. On the way home, I spent the day in Memphis doing the side jobs on the apps there. Don’t you know, I had Walking in Memphis stuck in my head the entire time I was there. One of the top comments in that video used to be, “I got robbed in Memphis.” With thousands of likes, but it seems to be gone. I didn’t get robbed in Memphis thank god’s, but I thought it seemed like a police state with so many cops everywhere. And real cops too!  Not security guards! 

He Used to Meet Me on the East Side gets stuck in my head whenever I’m on the east side of Houston. Every town has an east side. So this would probably be the case no matter where I lived. 

One time someone mentioned that they were from Cuba, and all day long, My Heart is in Havana got stuck in my head. 

And today, as I did inventory in convenient stores in very bad parts of town. I had Elvis In The Ghetto stuck in my head. Several people came in that seemed to be on drugs. The bathrooms said “out of order” and when I told Kevin that I had to go pretty bad and might go across the street, he was like “They aren’t out of order, they just don’t want crackheads in there. Just ask the manager for the key, he’ll give it to you.”  Oh! Ok!  The bathroom worked for me! 

I also want to mention how the top comment in all of those music videos I linked to is “Who’s here in 2025?”  Makes one feel old!  

Funny from my Mother

 On the radio this morning, I heard that the former mayor of Houston, Sylvester Turner, has passed away. When my mother sent me her daily text with the word “Kalimera” (good morning in Greek), I responded- “Kalimera, did you hear that Sylvester Turner passed away?”

She responded that she had not heard. Then went on a semi mini rant about how “ugly and stupid looking he was” and how much she didn’t like him. I kind of thought that was weird. Mayor Turner was just an average looking guy. And when my mom dislikes someone in the public eye, she’s quite outspoken about it. I had never heard her say she didn’t like the mayor. 

About an hour later, she sent me another text saying, “Juat reread your message.  Sorry, I thought you meant Sylvester Stallone.”  I burst out laughing. 

Easter Wreath

 

Today I made this Easter wreath. I really only like celebrating Easter on years when Greek Orthodox Easter falls on the same day as “regular Easter”. That is happening this year!  Several months ago, I got all these styrofoam eggs from a garage sale for $1. I first wrapped the wreath frame with purple scrap fabric I had and then kept spinning it around, hot gluing the shit out of everything. The purple lace came off of a piece of lingerie I got at the thrift store’s 25 cent day. I might still trim some of the hanging lace and move it to other areas of the wreath, idk. It’s already up on the door anyway. 

Dress!!

 I saw signs on the road here in Waller for a clothing consignment boutique/ used clothing. It was in a strip mall. Not noticeable- which is probably why they put up neon signs. I went in and found this for only $15!  He let me try it on and it fit perfectly!  I’m going to cut it a little, as it’s a little long. I’m so relieved that I found something suitable to get married in. 

I’m also suffering some bad insomnia. We have to do inventory at six convenience stores this week- two each day Monday through Wednesday. So I really hope to God I can sleep tonight, or else tomorrow will suck. 

Seed Balls

Seed balls are a type of permaculture gardening that I learned about in the book “Food Not Lawns” by Heather Flores. Heather described seed balls as “one part seed mixture, three parts compost, and five parts clay”. I made them this way with my daughter in the spring of 2011 when she was 3 and a half. They produced a lot of squash, radishes, pea pods, sunflowers, and even our own pumpkin for Halloween. The pumpkin was very hard to carve though, and my father had to do it with the electric knife. 

These days, I ask for “clay” in gardening stores and they don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m not sure what I used as clay in 2011- probably some dirt from the ground that looked red, which I sifted. I don’t remember exactly. 

But this year I bought this mix on amazon. I got seeds for three different kinds of squash, cilantro, spinach, and catnip. I started them in pots because my 88 year old father in law likes to just randomly ride the tractor around, and last year he unknowingly killed all my seed balls. We didn’t tell him, of course I just let it go. It was funny, because one of the main reasons he liked me was because I asked if I could have garden space. 

On my inlaws’ property (where we live in the guest house), there are about a million pots lying around. I used some of them for these seed balls. When they grow big enough, I’ll put them in the ground.  That way when my father in law enjoys his tractor rides, they’ll be easier to see.