Fun Inventory

 Well, not that much fun. Because, on my payday trip to Walmart I purchased Pilates bands for arm workouts. It came with an exercise guide, and three bands- easy, medium and hard. I gave my daughter the hard one, because she does Pilates regularly. However, only 25 morning reps and 25 evening reps with the easy band threw my back out in one single strip down the left of my back. I do so well with leg, core, and aerobic exercises, but arm workouts kill my back. And even though I’m 47, I still don’t have bingo wings- I could work my arms to a good level if I could just get over the pain afterwards. 

The store chain we’re doing inventory at this week is very fun. I don’t let on to Kevin how much I love this chain, because he calls them “Buccees wannabes”. I mean in a way they are. They sell great gift items. I just received about $220 from the Merchandiser app from the toilet paper and paper towels aisles pictures. I plan on walking out today with some Christmas presents for Anna. They had weighted stuffed animals. She has a couple of weighted stuffed animals, but could probably use one more. She uses my weighted blanket for anxiety, as I personally have a love/hate relationship with it. It does help when you’re trying to fall asleep, but then when you wake up out of a deep sleep to turn over, it almost feels like you’re stuck. 

We are working very long days which makes up for the fact that we didn’t work much last week (which is why I had time to do stuff for the merchandiser app).  I’ve completely fallen off the creativity bandwagon for both writing and sewing. Maybe during thanksgiving I can get back on that. 

I feel extremely accomplished for “getting” a therapist to tell me I have PTSD. Not sure why this feels so satisfying. I do wonder what it would say if my mom was somehow involved in the therapy. If I was a minor or a very young adult, and she was the one paying for the sessions, I’m not sure the therapist would give me a diagnosis that is as respected as PTSD. I do have two cousins with BPD, or “borderline personality disorder” which actually sounds insulting to me. I believe that I was spared from a BPD diagnosis in the past 5-10 years or so, because I made it clear that while being with a man was what I preferred, that I could still be happy with myself single. One of my cousins who got a BPD diagnosis years ago pretty much always made sure she was with a man. Recently, she went to another provider who dropped the BPD diagnosis and diagnosed her on the autism spectrum. She has an autistic grandchild now. So it checks out with the genetics. With my current therapist, I also made it abundantly clear that even though I m happily married, I would still be happy single if I suddenly become single again. I think maybe “always needing a partner” contributes to that. I have another cousin who I know has a diagnosis of bipolar, but whenever she’s manic, she’s extremely productive. She’s an artist and fashion designer as well as working a main job, and she’s created entire lines in her manic phases that have sold very well. I also told my therapist that I read Holy Disruptor and how it helped.