Last night, my husband and I decided we aren’t going to celebrate any more holidays with my mom. She is just too difficult. Of course, she’s 80 years old, so we may not even have a choice but to celebrate with her. Every year for the next indefinite amount of years, she’s going to use the “I might be dead by next year” card to guilt us.
Technically, any of us might be dead next year. It’s just that Thanksgiving was nice without her.
As soon as we walked in the door, she asked Kevin if he is sick of me yet. I wanted to storm out, but my daughter was on her way. I wanted to see my daughter. I also struggle with constant conversation with my mom, because she gets mad at me/ outbursts at me if I respond wrong. She started to do that when I said I didn't want any more chips and salsa. So I was like, ok let me have some more. I have to pacify her constantly, and it’s exhausting. Kevin knows all about this and also knows that she would never do this to him. So he does most of the conversing with her to alleviate the stress off of me. It would be just my luck if my mom used that to accuse him of “not letting me speak” like an abusive and controlling husband. She hasn’t come up with that one yet, but some of my extended family would think that.
When we got home, I decided to go to the emergency room to get heart palpitations checked out. I went to a cardiologist in 2024 for heart palpitations, and she diagnosed me with PVC’s at 9%. She told me to avoid energy drinks and take Propranolol. But the propranolol ran out, and at the time, I was told it was a controlled substance. It’s not- that’s what this ER doctor said. He gave me one in the ER, and also gave me a Valium. He then ran tests for a bunch of things including AFIB and a bunch of other things. Everything was normal except that my heart rate was 110. He called in refills of propranolol to the pharmacy, which I can pick up today.
I decided that I need to start taking it regularly for my anxiety symptoms as a replacement for gabapentin. Most people who read this know my struggles obtaining that in the last year or so. I have been taking this for anxiety for over four years, but it recently became a controlled substance in the last year or so. I quickly found out that if something becomes controlled while you’ve already been on it, then you get demonized like crazy. The narrative in society that you’re “such a brave strong woman for seeking help for your mental health” or whatever, no longer applies. You are now a villain, not a hero lol. I do have some remaining gabapentin, and they went into my safe. Also in my safe is my 100 Envelope challenge. It’s there for extreme emergencies, but no one wants those.
My phone must have been listening, because I started getting ads for Propranolol Candies. 🤦🏻♀️
I sent the link to my cousin/bff the doctor, and she said oh! That’s problematic!!
It really is, because crap like that has the potential to eventually make propranolol a controlled substance. Then I’ll become a villain again for wanting refills. Four or five years ago, gabapentin was actually given out freely because they wanted to stop giving benzodiazepines. We aren’t there yet though, so for now I can just use what’s available to me while I set the goals I want to set.
Stay tuned for more New Years goals!
No comments:
Post a Comment