Burnout

 I think I have burnout. 

We’ve been so busy at work, and I just have not gotten a chance to get over the flu. I feel like I’ve been sick for a month and only took one sick day. 

I’m really not sure I can look at one more convenient store back cooler interior. I’m glad that Thanksgiving week is coming up and we get “somewhat” of a break. I’m just so tired and worn out that I come home and crash and by the time I close my eyes, it’s time to go again the next day. 

Then I started having severe UTI symptoms. I called the clinic to see if I could come in to get checked out for a UTI. I got in at 3:45. When Kevin and I got home from work, he asked me if I wanted to drive myself to my appointment or did I want him to drive me?  I was exhausted, and he said he didn’t mind either way, so I let him drive me. He came and sat in the waiting room while I went to the exam room. The doctor was a doctor is never seen before. She was asking me a million questions, including questions about my mental health. Then- and this might come across as totally normal or totally weird depending on your experience. She asked if I “felt safe at home”. I asked for clarification and she said, “Are you being abused at home?” 

I have never ever been asked that by a doctor ever in my 46 years of life. So right away I said no, I’m not being abused, but the way she asked was so off putting. She kind of had not only an attitude while asking, but when she repeated herself, she kind of gave me duck lips. If someone was being abused, then how would they feel comfortable confiding in someone with a bad attitude and duck lips?  I asked her why she asked. She responded that everyone gets asked that all the time. I told her that I never do, but then started wondering in my head if she had seen Kevin out in the waiting room and just assumed he was abusive because he drove me?  I didn’t say it out loud of course, I kind of got the hint that I shouldn’t ask any questions because she was already assuming things. 

Later on, I described this situation in an anonymous thread online and got over 400 comments overnight saying that everyone always gets asked by doctors if they feel safe at home. Apparently it’s also a way to find human trafficking victims. I deleted the thread. I obviously got my answer, but with each one, I felt like well obviously no one has ever given a damn about me being abused or trafficked or not my entire life until now. I also think that if God forbid I was being trafficked, then I would have never felt comfortable confiding in that doctor about it. I decided that from now on I just shouldn’t let Kevin drive me anywhere. Except for the fact that we always carpool to work- it wouldn’t make sense if we live and work together and took different cars every day. 

I don’t know anymore I’m just exhausted and overworked. I’m tired and I just want to frickin go home and start my holiday week.