Colonoscopy Advice

 

On April 1 at 3:40 pm, I’m seeing a gastroenterologist (who, in his online profile, seems like a really nice guy but you never know) for a consult for a colonoscopy. 

Last year, I lost my cousin Kathy to colon cancer. Kathy had been sick as a dog for at least two years. At some point, she was scheduled for a colonoscopy, but didn’t go. She went through the “prep” the previous day, and then just didn’t go to the actual colonoscopy, because according to her, the prep made her feel a lot better. “I must have shit out whatever the problem was,” she had said. 

In December of 23, her adult daughter came for a visit and immediately stepped outside to call paramedics. She had looked that bad. They took her to the hospital, and discovered colon cancer which had spread as to her liver and somewhere else. She died at the end of January. It was devastating. 

Sometimes, people on hospice will become reclusive and not want to see or speak to anyone. This is how Kathy was. My mother didn’t understand, but I did because of my previous work as a CNA. Even though they were aunt and niece, they were more like sisters. And Kathy had the type of personality that it didn’t really surprise me that she’d not wanted to see or talk to anyone at the end of life. 

She was also deathly afraid of doctors, and that’s why this was never caught early. As the last year has gone by, I have realized that I am exactly the same way now about doctors. I cancel appointments.  I have exactly the same fears she did. There was one doctor who wrote everything Kathy’s was going through as “anxiety” and just giving her Paxil. My mom originally wanted that doctor sued. But you can’t, I said, you aren’t immediate family and she ditched her colonoscopy anyway. My mom doesn’t remember her saying “I must have shit out whatever the problem was.”  She selectively remembers things. That happened. I blow my mom off when she claims to not remember it. 

I don’t want to end up like Kathy, and I’m seeing so many similarities between me and her. 

I know Kathy could have had many more years on this earth, because her mom (my mom’s sister) is still alive and kicking and will turn 95 in June. Not only that, but she’s been smoking for about 80 years!  

It completely grosses me out to think of having a colonoscopy, and I do NOT want to freak out and ditch the appointment, and I want to go through with it no matter how awful it might be. 

So if anyone has been through a colonoscopy before and can give me some advice in the comments, that would be great!  I feel like people don’t really talk about any other cancers except for the ones that are female specific (breast, cervical, ovarian, uterine, etc). Then people with every other kind of cancer (men AND women), it creeps up on them in stage four when they all along had no idea something was wrong. My daughter is 17 and “wants three kids someday”, so I need to be around. Please tell me what to expect in the comments.   I have a feeling it’s not as bad as it seems, although I don’t have experience so I could be wrong.