A couple days ago, I reached out to some therapists to see about group therapy. One of them got back with me in a “consultation”. Something new about this one- he was a man. He was very monotone and to the point, which I liked. Maybe I would do better with a male therapist? There didn’t seem to be this, “Oh my god you did THAT?!?!” Level of drama and judgement. Plus, he must not have a problem with the fact that I married my boss, because he said his wife does his scheduling. So she works for him.
He told me that he does “cognitive processing therapy”. It’s specifically for PTSD. He said this AFTER I told him that one therapist diagnosed me with it and another one took the diagnosis away. So he must really believe that someone with my background can possibly have it. I agreed to it for $160 per hour. Then I started researching cognitive processing therapy, and basically- it’s just telling you that your interpretation of your trauma is wrong. Oh wait excuse me. They don’t tell you it’s wrong. They ask you and ask you and ask you until you tell yourself it’s wrong. Why would I want to be argued with? One guy online said that if someone has a traumatic experience in a large crowd, then they may walk away from that thinking “all large crowds are bad.” And the point of CPT is to get them to believe that not all large crowds are unsafe.
So- it’s a big “not all” fest? What if someone gets raped? Does the therapist then try to get them to believe “not all men”? I don’t mean to bring up the one example where “not all” is losing popularity, but the whole process just seems like button pushing. Sounds like a real dick head thing to do to someone with ptsd.
Besides, if I go in there and say, because of my trauma, I believe ABC. They then proceed to “question” me out of believing ABC into believing XYZ. Then what happens if I go to another therapist and say, “Because of my trauma, I believe XYZ?” Will that person then question you full circle all the way back to believing ABC? Technically yes, unless of course you volunteered the information that you saw someone else. But you don’t have to.
Maybe it’s just me, but I was always under the impression that if someone holds a certain view of something due to trauma, then just leave them alone about it, unless that belief is somehow racist or otherwise discriminatory. A good example would be my coworker blaming energy drinks for her husband’s death. I can either not drink them around her or put up with the lectures about them. There’s no reason to try and get her to drink them. “What would happen if you just had one Red Bull? Are you sure that would happen? What are the chances that you would DIE?” How obnoxious. It would be interesting to see what would happen if she went to CPT, got into a 6 a day habit, then went to another practitioner and became against them again. I don’t know.
Besides- if you don’t want to believe something to be true about your trauma, then you wouldn’t be going to and paying for therapy to “get someone to change your mind” about it. The act of going in the first place tells me that at least a little part of you already believes the new thing
I sent him a brief message saying I researched it and wasn’t comfortable. He responded that the only other thing he offers is EMDR. Blah blah EMDR strikes me as a placebo at best and brainwashing at worst. However, I realized this morning why I’m so afraid to do more “physical” therapy methods like EMDR or brain spotting. It’s because so many people report feeling a lot worse before they feel better. There’s nothing wrong with that! However, if there’s any possibility that “feeling worse” could get you locked up in a psych ward losing your freedom then that’s a concern. Is “feeling worse” just going to look like being exhausted and having a headache? If so that’s fine. Take something and go to bed. Or is it going to look like loud crying or a meltdown? In that situation, you could end up in a psych ward for a month or longer, lose your job, who would care for your children and/or pets, etc? That’s catastrophic. I’m not willing to let that happen. And you don’t know how something will make you feel worse or react until you actually do it. Why take that chance.
The reason why I’m writing these things here is just so I can have a record of how much I tried. A big misconception is that people who don’t want to go to therapy “just don’t try” and I’m trying, it’s just different for me. A lot of people do not worry about losing their freedom over an extreme negative reaction, and that is either fine for them or it makes you wonder if they just have no idea. If a cop is called on you during said emotional breakdown, what if you get shot? I’m just saying, a lot of cops know nothing about mental health.
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