I’m depressed. Empty nest syndrome hits different when you were a non custodial parent. My daughter and I had our own apartment just the two of us for about 8 years. After I finished my degree, we had to live with my parents because the financial hardship caused by going back to school was too much for me to be able to pay rent at the time. When Anna was 12 and a half, she wanted to go and live with her dad. It absolutely killed me, but I understood. My parents are difficult to live with. They don’t have healthy conflict resolution. They just deal with the most minor things by yelling and screaming. Anna couldn’t handle that, because our home was peaceful. I know that is a good reflection on me, but I will always be bitter that the thing everyone in the world expected me to do (finish college) caused me to lose my home and my child.
Her dad and stepmom are millionaires, so they’re
paying for her to go to Texas State University. She won’t have to worry about loans, or will she? She told me how much is in her 529 plan her dad started, and it only seems like enough for about 3 years. Therefore, I’m starting my own. It’s not a 529, it’s just me, putting a little extra away. She’ll have a meal plan, but I’m still going to be giving her grocery store gift cards every couple weeks. She isn’t going to have a job the first semester, and that worries me. That’s one of the ways colleges and universities get you. They tell you not to work. She said after Christmas break, she’ll look for a job. That makes me feel better. Her stepsister (her stepmom’s daughter) also didn’t work her first semester and got a job after Christmas. I’m just worried, I want my daughter to be ok and have a good start in life. Her last day at her current job will be in the Fourth of July.
Anna is taking college algebra right off the bat! It will be Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 9 am. Tuesday and Thursday at 11 am is “Intro to Fine Arts” which does count for a requirement. Tuesday and Thursday at 2 pm is “Organismal Biology” with the lab being Wednesday at 2:00. Then Tuesday and Thursday at 5 pm is “College Writing”. I’m not sure what that is a requirement for. I hope they aren’t getting her to take classes that don’t meet requirements just to waste time and money.
The parent only sessions on “how to support your student” were boring. I had to make sure I had crowds of people between me and my ex and his wife. If there are not crowds of people around, she tends to get nasty with me for no reason, with finger in my face and everything.
They said that “career services will help them find a job at any time for the rest of their lives”. I went to the University of Houston, and I went to career services once. All they said was “Have you heard of Indeed?”
Everyone has heard of Indeed. If you haven’t, it’s a job searching website. It’s www.indeed.com
There’s also an app. It guides you through making a resume and you can “apply with one click” if you see a job you like. I went on the other day and saw an ad for a caregiving company who’s urgently hiring for a client in the town of Magnolia, Tx. Magnolia is only a 10 minute drive from where I live in Waller. This client has 24 hour coverage and will only accept a caregiver with 10 years experience. I have ten years experience, roughly. She also needs to be transferred. The ironic thing is that I would have been much better at transferring 10 years ago when I had no experience. If I do arm strength training and squats daily, I might be able to transfer people again (which means lifting them from wheelchair to bed, or toilet or recliner chair and back etc), even if I don’t ever do that job again, it’s good to do squats daily. I did not apply with a click. I’m loyal to my current boss especially after the raise I got.
But back to Anna. I’m glad she’s so excited about this. I’m glad she was able to get in and get financial support from her father. When I was her age, I had no support. I had undiagnosed ADHD and learning disabilities and was unable to get into any university that offered dorm life. In fact, when I went to my local community college and took placement testing, I tested at a 6th-7th grade level in math and science. I didn’t take college algebra until I was 32 years old. Whatever George Bush was talking about when he said “no child left behind”, he was talking about me. I was left behind.
When I was with my last boyfriend, he had two kids- and they both had IEP’s. He used to go to ARD meetings for both of them. Could you see my parents in anARD meeting for me back in the day? Screaming and yelling? My father also always pounded things with his fist. But never me! So I could never call it abuse.
I’m glad my kid doesn’t have to deal with the things I dealt with at her age. I hope she has fun the next four years, and I hope this degree actually gets her a career like she’s being led to believe.
When I got home, I got this text from my mother in law. (We live in the guest house on her 11 acre property).
I immediately thought my father in law Jay was dying. A couple times in the past I remember going to church members’ houses to pray for them in their final hours. But lo and behold, I pull up, and Jay is out there pulling weeds like nothing. He’s stubborn. He’s either 88 or 89 years old. We’ll see what happens with him. Here are some pictures of when Anna and I had our own apartment for 8 years:
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