I have spent literally all day today (literally- I have been awake since before midnight) dreading work tomorrow and thinking I’m going to get fired because I asked for a raise on Friday.
I honestly don’t want to go in. Like I said, this is the first time in my life that I’ve asked or even negotiated pay. I am constantly afraid that my parents were right and I’ll get fired instantly.
I would probably quit in shame if my husband wasn’t my coworker. He told me (and I know he’s right and I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. His parents were way kinder than mine) that the worst that could happen was that I won’t get the raise. I am 100% not getting fired.
In fact, I hope my father isn’t rolling in his grave. If he was still alive and I was living under his roof and he knew about this he would be SCREAMING about how I’m about to get replaced by someone who will do it cheaper. I wonder why he never worked through his trauma. I have, at least enough to not have a shit fit at my child because she’s doing life differently than I did. I actually don’t think it was trauma that made my father act like that. I think he and my mom both wanted to keep me down. I have thoughts on why, but they’re for another day.
I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 189.9.
Hooray, the 180’s!! Barely! I told myself if I got to the 180’s, I would get a nose ring. Do I still want it? Yes, but I would no longer be in the 180’s if I was wearing anything. Perhaps the nose ring itself would put me at 190.
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